New year....

During my irregular being on the blogosphere, a new years post has always made its way through. The year 2008.
it was good. there were many things that happened in this year. good and bad, as always. i started my career with the new company and the growth i have made in this year was much more than i made 3 years combined in my previous years. with that came egos of my collegues. it was a tough time. it is tough rather because the egos still remain. its pathetic to the core. i cannot understand the mentality and dont wish to either. if people are having ego problems, its their problem altogether. not mine!
still i say that professionally it has been really good because i am getting the entire support the management has to offer. they are fully aware of the problems that i am facing. nothings really being done about it, thats a different story. but still, they are aware and i hope they will have some thing in place to tackle this.
i made a new friend who is now very close to me. our families have also bonded quite well. S and her husband get along just great despite the age difference they have. along with friends i made foes as well who were absolutely not happy with the kind of attention and appreciation i was getting. well again, their problem. not mine!
Home front, its going excellent except for the fact that..................... anyways,
but we are doing great. there is a new phase in our relationship which is much stronger, much deeper than it ever was. we have fallen head over heels in love with each other all over again. it feels wonderful. that leaves worries at bay and all we look forward to is spending some more time with each other. its just great.
Anyways,
two new years resolution is to save as much money as possible and to make our lives financially very very very secure.........
and to stay happy no matter what happens in life...
Wish you all a very happy and prosperous new year!!

The year that lies ahead....

Home....

Loud TV, people raising their voice on top of the TV to get heard, but don't turn the volume down. either of the two people constantly occupying the sofa. the sofa being covered with strange colored cloth, news papers strewn everywhere... welcome to the house where i live. i don't call it my house because it is not my house. it is my in-laws house. and it is far from being called a home. evening doesn't bring the joy of going back to where i belong, because the feeling of belonging itself is absent. an incentive to return back is just that i would be with S.
things are planned ahead. things which S wants to happen desperately and is very adamant on. just today morning i heard a conversation of his parents and that made me feel so bad. if u have to see profit making parents, i can give the perfect example. business extended to family as well. with this realization came a resolute. a firm resolution for which i have to work. hard.
the thinking loop began and again i prodded my past to give me the answers of why i was so foolish back then and didnt do the things i should have done first given my background. for example, buying a house. i didnt do it then because i was so foolish (i cannot find any other reason). and i cant do that now because the prices are now out of my reach. had we done some systematic investment then, we would have been in a very comfortable situation now considering S's plans ahead. well, these are mistakes which are surfacing in front of me and telling me what a big fool i was, rather i am. Just thinking about all these things, i felt a knot in my stomach which is definitely fear. i am scared. of the things that lie ahead. scared of how we are going to manage. i hope it works out.
pray for me. for us.

Known Turf: The incomprehensible and the uncomprehending

All with the same thoughts...
with all the chaos, the panic, the anger, the frustration, the tears.... a voice within agrees with what Annie has to say... 'The incomprehensible and the uncomprehending!'

Known Turf: The incomprehensible and the uncomprehending

Quarter Life Analysis...

I had posted this content which i recd from an email in the year 2006. It was incomplete.. and now the complete version follows -

The Quarter Life Analysis.................

It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like.You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the
greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is
that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, mean or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you.

Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute,
you are insecure and then the next, secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay
where you are or move forward.

You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you're doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. You want to settle down for good because now all of a sudden that becomes top priority. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.You begin to think a companion for life is better than a hundred in the shack and for once you would not mind standing tall for that special someone which otherwise you had never thought of until now.You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

What you may not realize is that every one reading this relates to it.We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out. Send this to your twenty-something friends.... maybe it will help someone feel like they aren't alone in
their state of confusion...

We call it the "Quarter-life Crisis"

once again...

Once again terror strikes the financial capital of India. Once again, a lot of people get killed. once again, a lot of families are destroyed. Top cops get shot. innocent people attacked. this time the targets were foreigners, they say...
Salute to the spirit of Mumbai?????? Again? would the spirit of Mumbai still remain unhampered, unscathed after so many attacks on her? i doubt. its time to step out and realise that saluting the spirit attack after attack is not going to solve the problem.
the gunmen were aged 18 to 25. ruthless, remorseless. the gunman arrested is an 18 year old educated whoever (i dont know what to call him! a kid? it will defeat the trace of innocence we long to see in kids.... so he is a whoever) and he says that he wants to live... (so says the Times of India) bloody hell he wants to live after he shot so many innocent people.
i wonder what amount of brain washing has gone into to turn these so called educated people to turn into terrorists. to make them so hardened to the core that they wouldnt even feel sorry for their acts. I dont understand how they could even believe that they would return back to where ever they came from 'alive!'. would they have really believed that we Indians would forgive them ever and let them go??? just like that????
We Indians.... We Maharastrians... We Marathi Manoos.... Aamchi Mumbai.. i wonder what Raj Thackeray was doing when this attack happened. i wonder what the his so called MNSena was doing when their Mumbai, their Mumbaikar was being gunned down by these unknown people. Why didnt they take the situation in hand now? isnt it much easier to attack people who are unarmed, innocent, terrified than to attack people who are really dangerous? what was MNS doing when the NSG was flown in and they laid down their lives to protect ours. Or did Mr. Raj Thackeray ensure that all the people in NSG were from MNS????? You dont have any right to touch Maharashtra and its people if you dont have the guts to protect it...
I salute to the bravery of the NSG, the Army, the Police, the ATS, the navy, the hotel staff, to all the people who fought for us. I hate to imagine about the families who saw their near and dear ones lay their lives for national security. I know what it feels to sit at home and know that one of your family member is out there in a war for your country.
I pray that such a situation never arise. I pray that there never should be a war. can these prayers be answered?
Media gave a blow by blow account of the happenings of this attack on Mumbai. that was really brave of those reporters who stood near the attack sites and gave the reports probably posing a risk to their own lives. but today, theres a headline, Cricket matches to happen in Chennai instead of Mumbai... Oh.. a real national catastrophe, isnt it? India will be exposed to a bigger threat if a cricket tournament is canceled!!!
Sad situation, isnt it? that some people forget these things so fast in life and all they are worried about is a Venue change of Cricket!

Time...

sleepy

i can sleep at any given time. earlier i atleast required a comfotable bed, today i manage even in the bus while travelling. its past lunch time and now my eyes are closing. i could go to sleep. a nice deep one.
i completed yesterdays post just for the sake that i didnt want to leave it for later. if i would have, i could have never finished it. there are so many posts which i have half left and then never completed! i was half asleep by the time i finally hit the 'publish post' button.
anyways, i am half asleep now too but i have a lot of work to complete. many things to do. should get back to work now.

am back....

It has been a long time and life has been punctuated with a lot of events. Diwali was good. I went to Goa for the first time in my life. With a lot of debates and discussions, it was finally decided to travel by a private bus service. For a change, the bus started right on time. So though the driver took 1 hour to finish his dinner instead of the usual 20 mins, we didn’t mind.
We resumed the journey and barely after 15 mins of traveling, he stopped the bus. After half an hour we came to know there was a breakdown. We were at a distance of about 50 kms from Pune. However, there was no extra bus available in Pune and they called a spare from Kolhapur which was about 200 kms away. So there we were, stranded on the highway in the middle of the night waiting for the spare bus to arrive! It did, after 3 hours and then we finally shifted all our luggage onto that bus and started again. We reached Kolhapur at 0600 in the morning (we should have reached here at 0000 hrs in normal circumstances). The bus stopped on a petrol pump. 15 mins... 30 mins... an hour... two hours... it didn’t move an inch. Well, this bus broke down too.. irritating it was... however, sushil could capture a few beautiful shots of the sunrise.

We finally reached Goa at 1400 hrs instead of 0700 hrs. it was tiring. We took an auto home and I got the first glimpse of Goa. Tired as I was, it didn’t stop my spirits to soar up. The houses, the roads, the weather... it was beautiful! Lunch at home and little nap did a little trick of refreshing us up. Evening, we were supposed to go on a beach, however, we got a little late and it was already dark by then, so we changed our route to Martins corner. It is this famous sea food restaurant there which has served very famous people like Aishwarya Rai, AB, Suniel Shetty, and Sachin Tendulkar and the list is endless. There is this wall with all the photographs... (I forgot to take a picture of that!!)

So we had a splendid dinner. I relished on the fish... it was toooooooo good!!! Then we returned home and slept.
Next day was packed. We had this huge number of things to do and a lot of places to visit. We started at about 1000 hrs (we could have started earlier... anyways) and first went to a temple near Ponda. I honestly do not remember the name of the place. S’s sister had come there so the purpose was to meet them. then we went to meet S’s sister who stays in Goa. We spent the morning there. It was, umm, a bit unplanned but we had to. Then we went to this mess near the Mangeshi mandir to had lunch. The fish fry I had there was A M A Z I N G! next stop was the St. Francis church. Its beautiful!!

Next we started for the Calangute beach. It is this crowded beach with a lot of shacks and lot of semi-nude foreigners. I did not take that photographs and even if I did, I am not going to put it on this blog.
We did some water sports there. I just sat in a speed boat. However, S and Manish (S’s jiju) did para-sailing too. And in the mean time, me and Yaba (my sis in law) sat there watching these firangi ladies in bikinis and wishing we had that figure too... well, yaba is thin.. and by thin, I mean very thin.. oh, to be precise, she wud be somewhere lower than size zero. But still, a perfect figure is still a perfect figure!
The day ended and we saw the sunset on that crowded beach.

I would have preferred somewhere silent, lonely, sitting down facing the sun and closing your eyes when the sun is half set. Closing ur eyes and think about all those things which have gone terribly wrong and then all those which have been miraculously right. Open your eyes and then sun is fully set. But the sky is lit up with the orange glow. It feels beautiful. I first tried this exercise when I had gone to hari-hareshwar with the Cummins group and second time at Diweagar with S. the day ended and we went home. Had dinner (home made) and then we went to see ‘Narkasur night’. It is this big event in Goa where there is a procession of ‘Narkasur’ and a competition for that too.
Last day in Goa was spent at home and we started our journey back at 1800 hrs in the evening. The journey back was uncomfortable but we reached in time. Diwali zoomed by and the holidays were soon over.

Then came the period which I was not really looking forward to. The audit preparations. It did not go as I had expected them too. I didn’t get any help from anyone initially. No support. And the usual unnecessarily proud me.. I didn’t even go and ask for help. I kept it to myself. I struggled to get work done. I failed. I tried again. I failed. Finally, I did it myself. I was frustrated. I was worried. I was ashamed of my self not being able to do anything. Anything at all. I cried, I hated myself, I made a resolute of quitting my position at the end of the audit. Da helped me a lot. But I could not go to him for each and everything. I could not go to Sag for everything too. Going to Sam was not being very useful. The shop floor boys and my new team member helped me. I was aware of atleast someone being helpful. We did whatever we could and we managed to put up some show out there.
Finally in the last 3 days of the audit, Sas came and helped me. He was to present the stuff and he was not ready. No practice, no script, no preparation.
‘your pillar is so weak’
I was tired to hear this. Every time I heard this, my eyes would fill with tears. I felt as if someone is talking bad about my baby. I hated everyone for that. And for the first time, first time, I felt connected to my job. First time I felt my emotional independence collapse. I had waited for this day for so long. But I never thought it would come in this way. I thought it would be a proud moment where I would be praised for my achievement. But it was not.
Finally the audit day arrived and everything went smooth. It was close to perfect.
Isn’t it said, ‘alls well that ends well’. But was it?
I went through various phases during this time. Happiness, laughter, tears, tension – so much I could feel myself shaking, I spent sleepless nights... it was everything.
I vowed not to trust anyone, I vowed not to depend on anyone. I vowed to quit, I vowed not to do anyone elses job, I vowed not to help anyone because they didn’t help me. I vowed, I cursed, I thundered, I cried, I felt so helpless. I felt so angry, all the time!
I realized I was becoming like everyone else. I was losing me.
But I pulled through. I never thought I would, but I did. And now, I vowed to turn things around, I vowed to give my best... I am glad I returned. And I hope that I get better.
The audit day ended with a party. The party ended with a movie. Dostana. We were a group of 10 and a couple of unexpected people joined too. About Dostana, later...
Today we decided to start afresh. I discussed my thinking with kv. He saw some meaning to it. But it was not completed due to lack of time. However, we will continue tomorrow...
Afterall, the work has just begun.....................................

My absence...

its been a long time and life has been eventful. starting from the Goa trip in Diwali to the most awaited audit preparations in the company which is starting of the next week.
i want to write a lot, but time is not so generous. There are many things i noticed, many experiences i got, many friends i made, lots of lessons learnt. i will be back with the full story. soon....

Mixed day

Yesterday was a mixed day. It started bad. went on to be good as the time passed. it ended excellent.
Morning was bad because we were only 2 people in our department instead of the usual six. it went on to be good because we were doing fine, just the two of us. but the situation started taking a u-turn when there were a dozen trials to be taken and a lot of samples to be checked. and then there was this visit from an official for issuing a necessary document. things went worst when SR started having health problems and had to go home early. so there i was, alone in the department. on top of that, there was a major raw material issue on the floor. and, unfortunately (or fortunately for me) 2 machines were down. so there were no tests to be done, so i could complete the other work which was pending. finally, at 1500 hrs, TRI arrived and i breathed a sigh of relief.
I was disappointed with my self. with all these activities to be done, i panicked. i convinced myself that this was the first time and it was natural to be so and next time things wud be handled in a better way. but still, i panicked! there is no excuse to that!
This was Tuesday.
Lot of things happened between that day to this day (friday, the 24th). i got my eye swollen.. no. no one hit me on the eye. i just got infected with Stye on my left upper eyelid. so it has swollen so much that my eye is half shut. Visits to the doctors have increased in the past three days. Everyday evening i am going to some doctor or the other! oh! what has happened to me. i never required going to a doctor for days together and now here i am at some or the other clinic everyday.
Work is good. work environment is getting horrible. people behave nice, think something else. its pathetic. for once, i feel i should be working in a different team. this lot sucks. not proud to say it, but i dont have any ideas nor the energy to put efforts to change the situation. i tried. i failed. i tried again. i failed again. third time, i am not so comfortable with the idea. and i dont want to waste my time trying to do something that i know will not happen.
tomorrow starts diwali and we are going to Goa. first time in my life i am going to go to goa. pathetic, i know. but still, its never too late is it? we will be spending 3 days there and then we are back to our home for Diwali. I wanted to spend Diwali somewhere else. some secluded, silent place. but all such destinations were already full 2 months ago. and those available were unaffordable for our current available finances. and S has his work to complete which could never happen had we stayed in Goa for the entire week.
the 3 days in Goa, S is going to make most of the time taking photographs. he wanted to go on a photography expedition for a long time, but it somehow was left out. so this time, he is going to have a great time.
things at home are good. life is busy. to my delight, my cold has reduced a lot. i get sound sleep during the night. its still not gone 100% but is much better now. because of the infection to my eye, i am now wearing my glasses all the time i am awake (happy news for S and maa) and the better part of it is that i am planning to make it a habit even after the infection goes away. hope it works out.

Wishing you all a very Happy and prosperous Diwali.... May the love and friendships in your life grow stronger by the day.
Have a lovely festival of lights. and try not to burst too many crackers...
Be safe....
M

Life is short...

Life is short. Break the rules. Forgive quickly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile.

One party is over!!

Its been a long time since me and S have been planning to call a lot of people to our home for dinner. things were not happening somehow and plans were getting canceled. Either i used to be busy, or sushil unavailable. but finally, yesterday, we made it and called one of the families we were wanting to since a long time.
The menu was short and i made most of the things at home except 'puran poli', which we decided to get from outside. things wrapped up quite quickly and did not become hectic at all since i had a holiday and there will be no hangover to office too since today is a holiday too!!
office is hectic and tomorrow i have a presentation where i am going to be butchered! so now, rest of the day will be spent in preparing for the presentation and doing the touchups.
home is good too. we were planning to shift into another house. but we didnt find anything suitable. nothing was comparable to our current home. the location, the space available and everything.... all the new apartment constructions the houses seem to be very small, though the area (in sq. mts) is the same as our current apartment. i, personally dont want to move. but it is S's parents who want to shift from here, since our apartment is on the second floor with no lift. they are not in a fit state to climb up. anyways, so we had halted the plans for sometime now but S's father is insisting that we do something about shifting. so i am going to make some calls today and probably try visiting some of the places which i can by myself.
to my delight my in-laws are quite in harmony with us now a days. probably their desperation to move to this house has increased ten fold. my in laws seem to be unable to stand their own son and DIL now.
this reminds me, a couple of years back, i had gone to a person who tells your past, present and future just by taking 2 informations from you-first is ur thumb print and the second is ur birthdate and birth time. well, i am not really a big fan of fortune tellers, but this was definitely different. i cant call him a fortune teller. its not a science either, but just for information visit this site to know more...
http://www.sundaytimes.lk/021124/plus/1.html
so, anyways, on these 2 pieces of information he had taken from me, he told me my name, my parents name, my sisters name, my husbands name... well... it had started getting interesting. anyways, i will not write everything here, but he had predicted that my BIL and FIL would end up having huge disagreements.. so intense that they would go to an extreme.
S said, this was NOT possible. BIL was not married that time.
the time to come was to unfold the tale. and it happened. it happened just the way that person had told us. is it a co-incidence, i know not. but he also told me that you will have to take care of ur in-laws. well, with one prediction having become a concrete reality, i said, well this is almost happening too. and so, i have decided to shed all the things that have gone wrong in the past and start afresh. yes, i had said that now i am becoming a 'never forget nor forgive' kind of a person. but now i am mentally prepared to make an exception to that.

A change...

Lot of changes. but its good to have a change. to have something new around you. thats why the change in the template. i like the format of it so much that i didnt mind letting go of the upgraded templates and had to revert back to the classic template. anyways, there is always an option available for reverting to my original template..
so, enjoy the change for a while....

Rock On...

Tell me the problem – again. Yet again. But I managed to come up with concerns that really matter now. apart from people, apart from their attitude, the things which we need to concentrate. So, we need to ‘Rock On’... just using the words because we saw the movie yesterday...
Nice movie. I would rate it 3. not 4, 3.
Performances by all are excellent and Prachi Desai (to my liking) had a lot of scenes. She is good. So is everyone else. No one has over acted. No one is expressionless. But the story doesn’t have the excitement. You know what is going to happen in the end (ofcourse u know in every movie.. ‘happy endings!’ barring some like RDB) but still you are curious as to where the story is leading (like chak de India.. I mean, we all know that India is going to win in the end!). But somehow, I felt that lacking here.
Secondly, when the ‘Magik’ re-unites, I felt the hyper-emotion missing. It was a simple re-union. I mean Joe and Aditya should have be overwhelmed at the moment of re-union. But it was missed, somehow.
Apart from this, the movie is great. Music is good. I will not say great, because personally I am not a huge fan of ‘Rock music’ and secondly, the popular song ‘socha hai..’ was missing from the movie. I was waiting till the end for that song to screen, but it didn’t happen. So there was some disappointment.
Short movie, smart movie and one which you can relate to.
Enough reasons, I say, to go and watch it once.
With my track record, I will watch the movie again. And I hope I will like it better next time!
edited to add: i missed the first 10 mins of the movie and hence missed the song 'socha hai....' so that states the need to rewatch the movie!!! [:)]

Pravs world - I shall transform...

I do not ask to walk smooth paths nor bear an easy load.
I pray for strength and fortitude to climb the rock strewn road.

Give me such courage and I can scale the hardest peaks alone;
And then I shall learn to transform every stumbling block into a stepping stone.

I really dont know what to title this one!

Things are moving ahead and I am being pushed to perform. I am happy and scared at the same time because there are so many expectations from me. And I dread the moment when and if people will come and tell me that I could not fulfill those expectations. This fear outperforms my desire to work and I get a huge setback, being able to do nothing of the things I am supposed to do.
Again this time, I am relying on the fact that writing these things will help me abate the fear and start working in the right direction. Believing in the saying that ‘better late than ever’, I will be atleast partially be able to fulfill the expectations people have of me.
Things at home are fine. Nothing special. We celebrated S’s birthday in a different way. It was not planned really. Things just unfolded on the spur of the moment. First, BB was going to give a party in Pizza hut. And me and s had planned to go out for dinner with family. His side of the ‘so called’ family; meaning his parents, brother and sis in law weren’t going to come. This we understood in the afternoon of S’s birthday. They had to go to the sis in laws sisters place for dinner. Pathetic. I know! But, I don’t think I missed anything in life because of their absence. I cudnt be more glad. S was upset. Of course. But its time he realizes what his ‘so called family’ is and how much he means to them.
He wont realize this, the way he is. He will forget the way they have treated him in a couple of hours. Ironically, that’s what I love the most about him. Forgive and forget. He preaches it and practices at all times in his life.
But me, I used to be ‘forgive but never forget’. Slowly, I am turning into ‘neither forgive, nor forget’. Its life. I have become like this because of the choices I have made. And I know that the choices I make are going to create some sparks in our life. But people here are ‘I-me-myself’. A bang is needed to make them aware that the world apart from them exists. I don’t care. But it matters to me that atleast S’s family realizes that he is not happy with what is going on.
So, was telling about S’s birthday. So his ‘family’ was not going to be there. Probably they didn’t think it was important enough to be there with the member of their ‘family’.
I am channeling my anger thru him. I am not totally correct on my part doing this. but i didnt see any other way. so i made the choice.
Aso, so S had come to pick me up at pizza hut. And when everyone from my office came to know that he is outside, they insisted to call him in. Then he came, sat with us, ate pizza and chit-chatted. There is a custom in PHut that all the boys there sing a song for the birthday boy/girl. So AD insisted that we tell them it was S’s birthday. We did, and they sang a hip-hop birthday song. And everyone applauded. Everyone apart from the people with whom he feels so close was there for him on his birthday.
Then we went for dinner (we didn’t eat that much pizza!!). Kay, her daughter and her hubby joined us too along with my mum n dad. We had a nice light dinner. Had a laugh. Had a nice time together. At the end of the day I was happy the way we spent his birthday. But he was not entirely. He couldn’t understand the reason for his family not being there with him the day he had successfully lived the 27th year of his life. He still doesn’t!

theres nothing worst than this that can happen!

Days turn into nights and nights give way to days. And time passes. Very fast.
Things change. And so have I, in many aspects of life. Yes, AGAIN!
I have become harsh with S especially when it comes to his parents and brother and his admission process. Perhaps because I was subdued with my team in the office. But now the things have turned around. Rather BB has asked me to turn things around.
Take one!
‘When u are in a leadership position, never try hard to remain in the good books of team. If u work in a way where you always want people to like you, ur team will never be successful’
eyes widened, mouth hanging half open... I was listening. Mentally I made a note to strangle myself for not realizing this earlier.
Take two
‘People need to understand that u are working for the company and this is not personal. And if people take this personally, it is their problem not yours’
Take three
‘you have the entire support of the management. When you have any issues, at any time, just tell us. That’s all you have to do.’
Geared up. But still a bit skeptical. Lets see how things turn out.
Hope for the best because there is nothing worst that can happen.

looong time...... i have been gone again for quite some time.
there is been a reason.. i have been very busy. first office, then home, then laziness of not taking the pains to write. then this horrific cough and cold and fever.
i am better now. not entirely. but much better than what i was yesterday. i am taking about 12 tablets (purely medicinal) / day. i have never taken so many tablets / day in my entire lifetime! well, circumstances change, dont they?
so lifes going fine. not too bad not too good either.
one of my collegues left the company. he was a sort of guide, a mentor to me. yes, guess that, i did shed some tears on his last day. unexpected to me too. but i felt bad. specially for the reason he left the organization.
personal life is going good. about time my in-laws will move back into the house we are staying. enduring 6 months of their presence is going to be no short of an 'agni pariksha!' i dont know how i will be able to take it this one more time specially after what all happened in the past few months. times are testing. unkindly..
well, i will leave now. unexpected, untimely and abrupt. but there is something more important which i am trying to dig up... laters.......

When the sun rises........

Every morning in Africa, When the Sun rises,
A deer awakens, Knowing it has to outrun the fastest Lion,
Or, be hunted to death...

But... When the Sun rises,
A lion awakens, Knowing it has to outrun the slowest deer,
Or, be starved to death...

It does not matter whether you are a deer or lion,
When the Sun rises,
Better be running at your best...

Post number 100

Long time since i started this stint with writing 'what i feel' on this blog. To be true, i have not entirely been honest with myself. I have not completely written what i felt, always..
but still, here i am writing for the umpteenth time which is going to be published as 'post number 100'
When i was young, i was very quite, shy (i still am) and i never thought i wud speak this openly with anyone. let alone write a blog open to public. ASO.
things are getting heavy. loads of work. i even dream about office. and then, sometimes (thats become many times a week now) the fatigue takes over and i do nothing for a long time. (this is one way of letting out my fatigue.. writing a post!) then i realise that i am lagging on so many things and panic takes over. then i complete everything in haste and then sit idle for sometime again.
oh man! it is pathetic. and then i am tensed about shedding this loads and loads of extra kilos i have put over the past many years, and never ever tried to do something about it!
even now i am not trying particularly hard to do anything about it. i am just thinking that i shud do this and do that and what not. god help me doing this. but its high time now and i have to take some serious actions on that...
one thing i dont understand! why the hell am i being so negative on my 100th post????????
Okay, i am just back from a meeting (a technical meeting at that!!) to return back undertstanding what to do, but no idea what so ever how to do it. so i need to seriously start burning some midnight oil and start coping up with the shortfalls and try to become someone whom the people cant fool so often than going home and reading Harry Potter books (yeah.. again!!)
things need to change and i need that enthusiasm in me again. to make things simpler, i have made a master plan (this is the effect of being involved in ur work emotionally!!) and i plan to stick to it.
i will keep updating the status... i hope its 'green' all the time!
chao...

Edited to add: If you really count, the published posts on this blog are 84. However, there were some 16 posts which were published and then deleted. big number to delete! i know...
Point to note, that i have included these 16 posts in the count as well because all those posts did hit the publish button at some point of time...
So devdas, hope ur query is solved. and thanks for taking the pains to count the number of posts!! :P

Changed...

Started office. Faced the changes. And now taking in more and more changes by the day. Loads of changes happening with people around me. It seems like management is on a spree to make things......... well........ change.
I don’t know if they are right or wrong. I don’t know if they are good or bad. What ever they are, kay says, they are well planned. They plan for years to come. For people, for the factory.. for everything.
Well, as for now, I am not able to make logic out of some cases. Some are crystal clear though.
Anyways, so much for office and so much for work. I am realizing lately that I am walking and talking and eating and sleeping just office and work and office and work and nothing else.
Things are good at home. They say, in marriage, troubles lie till you cross the seventh year. There are many ups and downs in the phase of first seven years. Then, life is set.
I feel the same way. Yes, I am married for 2 ½ years only. But I and S are together for around 7 years now. And I do feel ‘Set’. Somehow a different feeling has started sinking in. my love for S has changed...... in a better way. It has become so strong and so live and so deep rooted that now nothing and no one will be able to harm it in any way.
There have been times where I had just felt of walking away from this life I was leading and being alone.... but now, no more. And I don’t think I would feel that way ever again.
Things have changed... yes... in my personal and professional life as well...
I have learned to say no. I have learned to ask questions. I have learned to raise my concerns. I have learned to fight... for myself.
I have learned to truly enjoy. I have learned to share my thoughts and feelings freely. I have learned to think on the spot and answer logically, tactfully. Now a days I make a fool of myself less number of times. Ha ha ha
Yes.. things have changed. For the better.
I have somethings in line ahead. But will talk about that later. Till then...

Pravs World..........Try till you win..

Every time we fall in life, we give up.
We give up our dreams, give up ourselves.

Waves are inspiring, not because they rise and fall;
But because each time they fall, they never fail to rise again.

To win, you need to try. Try till you win.

Returning after a long break....

A lot of things progressed. I made the statement in by earlier post that there is no use talking to my boss about the issues I was facing. But I decided to take the chance anyways. He said he was genuinely concerned that this was not discussed with me b4 and that I should not worry and I will be given a lot of support thru out. WOW! Man, I was relieved only to realize that I am now completely submerged under the sea of work. Earlier to getting this new responsibility I was just able to keep my nose out and breathe. I was okay with it anyways because it was keeping me so busy the entire day. But now, its horrible. I plan it to make it terrific. So expecting the outcome to be horribly terrific……
Okay.. I am not drunk. And I know I am not making any sense to anyone in any way. But it does not matter. I achieved what I wanted. I made the message understood and sink in my head. Its time I learn to swim……
I had been to training for the last week. Against my wishes, I enjoyed the training. A lot.. I enjoyed the stay in the city which I have hated for my entire life. I enjoyed the company of the 8 unknown people who came from a varied experience. I enjoyed the company of a retired colonel who has fought almost all the major wars for this country. WOW! It was one experience.
A beautiful, mesmerizing, knowledge parting experience which I will not forget for a long time.
And from tomorrow I start office again. It is weird going back after such a long time. It feels like you have missed out on a lot of things and now you have to cope up with so much. There have been a lot of things happening in the office in the past week. And now I am brand new to the changes. First day is going to be a hell of an activity sorting things out.
Lets see how it turns out…

In good times..... and in bad times.....

Things have been moving so fast. things have been hectic leaving hardly any time for me to stop and think. life is so full without any time for myself.
Lots happening. some favourable and some un-favourable too.
I was partly incharge of one audit which was to happen in our company. Preparations were made well. and the audit sailed off beautifully with the prodigious skill of one of my collegues (who was actually incharge of the audit this time). the same night, we (me kay and SS) went to the factory in the 3rd shift to check if all the facilities of house keeping and security were okay. I was amazed that day of my ability to stay awake till 4 in the morning!!
the visit went good, though i thought, that the people were expecting us. there was not even a single element of surprise on their face when they saw two females enter the production floor at 3.00 a.m. Well, atleast i was surprised by this attitude. I mean, its hardly seen in any factory where females are present on the shop floor in the wee hours of the morning! and needless to say, we did not find any obvious violations of the rules.
i sent out the report on tuesday. BB was very impressed by this initiative and he decided to show his appreciation (now we are proud owners of a 2 GB memory stick!) to the three of us.. me, kay and ES.
well, news travels fast.. specially these kinds of news where people who have 'recently' joined the organization are appreciated for such 'small' things.. people were pissed off. or i'd rather say, people ARE pissed off. and they do not mind showing it off either!

'now you know, there are a few 'special' 'favoured' people in the organization!'

'i never even got a single mail of appreciation inspite of all the things i have done here in the past 12 years!!'

'can you tell me (this question was posed directly to me and kay across the breakfast table) why were you given a gift?'
'i will ask him (BB) and tell you...' this was my reply. stupid as it may be, but i was shell shocked seeing these reactions and cudnt think of anything else!

'ab kya, hum log buddhe ho gaye.. humko appreciation ki jarurat nahi hai.. kitana bhi kaam karo! (now we are oldies.. we do not need any kind of appreciation even for the amount of work we put in)'
this came from the person who i least expected it from. she was a person who,i thought, looked over me as a daughter. she compared me with her kid and said we were so alike... but well, circumstances change.. people change.. dont they?

i didnt care what people talked. it was an important milestone for me. but destiny gave people chances to become more hostile towards me.
i was declared as the leader for one team (which was being actually headed by RI. but since he is leaving, i will fill in the post). this was not taken that good by the team members.
'aus ko kuch malum hai kya? abhi to aayi hai yahan pe... aise kaise declare kar diya? (does she know anything? she just joined here.. how come they declare her as the leader?)'

i was getting weary of the comments. i needed someone to talk to.. desperately.. and no one was available. i was sitting in the training and thinking.. hard.. what to do.. how am i supposed to tackle this? how am i supposed to tackle the people. discussing with my boss was going to be useless. i have 100% faith that he will not be able to help me out.
anger was welling up inside me... ready to burst out. it still is because i have not yet figured out a way.

in the middle of the week, i also got my confirmation letter. but the happiness of it died off in all the turmoil my mind was facing. in all the hostility i was facing.

after i got my letter.. everyone asked for the party.. everyone asked for the party of passing the audit which I was partly handling. i told my boss, loudly in front of everyone.. to which he replied.. 'ya, ya there is this one on 27th..' and he stopped... abruptly.. '27th..' barely audible...
first of all, i thought this was our pillar party... and that he might have messed up with the dates.
yesterday, while coming back, kay told me... there is the factory picnic on 27th and 28th...
then it hit me like a bullet.
i am in a course in mumbai from 22nd to 27th evening and i will not be able to go...
and my boss knew about this.. he knew about this both. he spelled it out... almost... but he realised that he should not let me know (as if i was not going to come to know) and he stopped....
i dont expect they change the date of the picnic for me. and i dont care that i miss one picnic.. its really not that big a deal.. but i definitely expected my boss to be straight forward. he kept this from me....
now i realise why everyone says he is not a 'peoples man'...

it hurt me... for having a boss who doesnt want things to keep transparent enough. inspite of the fact that i am straight forward with him. it hurt me for having one un-considerate boss who actually goes on to deny me one secure id (which will actually help me work from home) because it will 'cost' to our cost center. and because if he gives it to me, he will have to give it to the others too...
it hurt to have one boss who didnt even peek into the pillar preparations for one important audit because he had to take care of the pillar he was heading.
it hurt to have a boss who denied my request to call 4 extra people who helped in the pillar audits to be called for the party... just because it wud cost...
i dont say that he is cruel or something.. he is definitely considerate and gives me my freedom to work the way i want.. but at such times, the 'not so good' things just come into focus...
it hurt and hurt and hurt....

i wish to spend my weekend lazing around.. but i have to study.. to prepare for the course i am supposed to attend a week later....

updates...

25th may 08
Today, I am writing for the purpose I started this blog for. So that I can write whatever I want to.. to talk to someone whom I do not know, so that I can talk my heart out..
Things started going a bit wrong on Friday when we received an email saying SS is leaving the organization. First I thought this was a joke. Everyone thought this was a joke. How could this happen. I had imagined that we will be giving a retirement party to SS in this organization.. I never thought in my whole life that he will resign.
It is so difficult to imagine the company without him. He was the person who recruited me. He was one the person to whom I had become first close with. He was the person who has made my survival in the company so easy and comfortable.
It is difficult to imagine not seeing him in the bus and show me the most interesting news in the news paper as soon as I entered in the bus.
It is difficult to imagine not having his jokes and ‘expert comments’ around us.
Kay was most upset. He has been a sort of mentor for this. Of course she will be…
Still, acceptance has to come. I mean, this is going to happen in the end, irrespective of us accepting it or not accepting it. So the sooner we do, it is better for everyone. This is afterall, part and parcel of doing the job.
Things went a bit bitter on Saturday evening when S called up ILs place where they are living right now. things as usual are not going good there. Nothing usual, same things again n again. And then it went to such a level that they now want to live independently. They are tired of their sons and daughters in law and want to tell them, that it is their house we are all living in and it is their (ILs) right to do whatever they want.
Well, as far as me and S are concerned, we never denied this. I was telling S since a long time that we should leave this place. No matter if we have to live in a rented house, but we should move out of here till the time our relations ( I mean my relations) with ILs are good enough that when later in life, we will have to meet, we can atleast share a laugh.
Finally, yesterday night, S agreed to this. He decided that now it was time for us to move out, to face the facts.
He called his father today. He told him the decision. And his father said, ‘how will you manage to move out within 30 days?’
His father didn’t even say, ‘don’t go…!’
I should be happy when I am getting to do what I wanted for so long. But with this attitude, tears sprang to my eyes. If I felt so bad, I cant imagine what S must have felt. He understood the change in my voice when he told this to me over phone in the afternoon. And then he said, ‘may be, he didn’t say what he wanted to say.. he might have been very upset when I told him this…’
How can I believe this after knowing them for so long? I admire S’s patience and the will to convince himself that his parents really love him and care what he is going through.
We are starting the house hunt today. There is no point waiting. The sooner the better…

This is going to be a new life. Some new challenges. Some new experiences. I hope I have enough strength to go thru this…

trying to be regular here now...

B is not in town and RI on leave too. So a bit of more work to do. things are very hectic. By the time i reach home, i am half dead and i have no energy to cook. now a days we are eating out 50% of the times. yeah. pathetic and not at all good.. i know.. but then there is no energy to stand in the hot kitchen and cook food. though only, we are two at the moment. i am surprised at myself when i think about the situation a couple of months ago when i was going home everyday and cooking food for 4 people. still with me and sushil, i dont even cook the entire meal. Anyways, i think i am just getting a bit lazy.
things at office are good. my work is being recognized.. only thing, it is being recognized as some one elses work. i thought i wouldnt care, and then finally it is my achievement. i thought that the satisfaction of taking some one along and grooming that person to become independent in the organization will be much more than getting the credit yourself. but i was wrong. i felt bad seeing my work being appreciated in front of me, but not as mine!
well, this was my plan in the first place for things to happen this way.. but it seems that the results are not going to do me much good in the end and it shouldnt have been this way at all!!
yes, i am being selfish.. and all i will suggest myself is to sleep over the issue. and tomorrow morning, i will have put all this behind and will move on ahead...
thinking deeply, i will say that i do not regret the decisions i have made. if i would have been given a second chance to change this, i wouldnt have change a thing...
things at home front are going good.. ofcourse they will go good.. until the time my ILs return! if S reads this, he will say i am being very mean and they dont 'create that much of a mess' in my life that i have to be so blunt about it.. in a way, yes, its perfectly true.. all that happens is that in the morning you get up, see that the kitchen you had gleamed spotlessly just last night, is in a mess again. milk is kept on boiling on a full flame. so is the chai brewing on the other burner. milk has been spilled a bit. then you open the fridge and see that there is already half a litre milk in there which had been boiled the previous day. but then, that has become stale and now cannot be used (in my minds eye, i see so many people across the world who dont even get to see milk, let alone drink it!). MIL is sitting in front of the preparation surface in the kitchen such that you dont have enough room to make even a cup of coffee...... you leave that thought, get going, get ready and leave the house finally leaving that steamy hot cup of coffee which otherwise you would not miss.
evening you return home.. the T.V is in full volume. ILs are shouting on top of the volume of the television set at one another.. each and every room of the house is now in a mess.. you bed has been strewn with washed clothes. so before you even sit down, you have fold them and pile them in one corner. you are wishing to have a hot cup of coffee.. to sit and relax for a while.. but then you see that it is already 7 o'clock in the evening and you have to cook a full meal. so you go to the kitchen.. first clean up, then cook the food, serve it, eat it, then clean up again. this eats up 2 hours of my time. and by 9 o'clock, i am in no mood to do anything else but to go to sleep....
weekends is no fun as well.. ILs dont like the fact that i invite any of my lot at home.. so i go out.. anyways i cant even watch T.V. on weekends, as the television set is running all the marathi channels and saas-bahu soaps.. switching the channels is strictly prohibited. so i atleast escape from cooking (mornings) on those two days. and then again, monday starts.. the same cycle does on and on and on...
yes, so S is correct.. i dont need to make a fuss out of it... they dont create any mess in my life!!
however, i might be a little biased in my belief for the way they have treated me and my family in the past. still when ILs are at home, i dont have to care about the couriers that arrive in the afternoon. i dont have to care about the timings at which my baai is going to come. i dont have to care about the LPG cylinder that comes to my home in the afternoon when I am bound to miss it. i dont have to worry about the house at all...
still i wonder sometimes.. what is better? having these many benifits along with the side effects or having nothing at all??
Debatable.. and i am in no mood to debate right now..
its 4.45 in the evening and my eyes have already grown heavy. A nice, fitful sleep, while going home.. that is what i am looking forward to now..
it was nice to write so many things after such a long time.. i should get more regular here, no?

If you think you can...

If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you want to win but think you can't,
It's almost a clinch you won't.

If you think you'll lose, you're lost;
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in a state of mind.

Life's battles don't always go
to the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.

updates...

This week hasnt been that fantastic.
It didnt start that well on Monday... our canteen project was scrapped. after all this work, it was realised that we afterall might not have that kind of a budget availability. Kay was not at all happy with it. She was visibly upset over it and she didnt mind showing it too.
i, on the other hand, was not so upset when this was announced. i didnt feel this was correct though. and more than upset, i was feeling cheated and angry. and then i did what i do when i am not in the right state of mind... i kept quite.
Kay was all the more frustrated with this. I was not reacting to what was being told to us. it was a typical 'management talk' meeting. and i hadnt expected this of BB. not at all...
'your efforts will not go waste...... now we are all prepared with the ground work..... and now we will get the budget sanctioned officially for this.......'
YEAH RIGHT!!
so... this was a major blow on monday. I did cool down during the day and the next day i was completely normal. BB was trying to talk more to us during the day trying to judge the impact. but well, atleast i am an established actor in these regards, not to show my feelings or give transparency of my thoughts to anyone. and even if i did, i knew it was not going to help.
so, monday started with this and on wednesday, we had the news of our colleague passing away. the impact on everyone was ofcourse tremendous and still hasnt faded away......
one more news... RI resigned. So there are going to be a lot of more responsibilities that are going to come my way. ofcourse there is the new recruit added to our group. but still, she or me, we both are quite inexperienced to handle what RI is handling right now. No need to give us a chance.. i can guarantee we will screw it up! its a crucial job and needs atleast 8-10 years of experience in this field. So we yet do not know who is going to take his place. i just hope he is as nice as RI is. because who ever that is going to be, i will be working very closely with him / her.
Today is going to be a busy day. i have 3 engagements and all this evening. one, our college group get-together. second, sushils friends wedding and third, a play to watch at night.
and then tomorrow, at 5.30, the clock starts to run.. the 5 busy days at office begin again...

A loss....

One of my colleagues passed away. Today, in the morning we got a call saying that the doctors have given him two hours...maximum...
And 10 mins ago it was announced that he has passed away.
Reason? No one knows. He was admitted in the hospital last week for a viral infection. First was diagnosed for Jaundice, then for Dengue and then for Rickettsial fever. But, I suppose neither of these three was what he had.
What ever he had caused a multiple organ failure. He was on the ventilator. Kidney, liver, lungs were non-functional. He was unconscious. He is survived by his wife and his 8 month old son. He was just 31 years old. And he had come to work just last Wednesday.. and then, he was all well... but within a week... in a week, he is gone... he is just gone...
I didn’t know him that well. I didn’t have many interactions with him.
From whatever I know, he was a good person and this shouldn’t have happened to him and his family. His son definitely did not deserve to lose his father at such a young age. When he grows up, he wont even remember his father well. He wont remember what kind of a person he was. He will just have a photograph, framed and hung on the wall as a memory of the person who brought him to life...

May God bless his soul and may God give the strength to his family to move on…

Happy news!

Its the time where things have finally started going the correct way! (Touch wood!)
I am getting the expected responsibility in the office. i am doing a fair job. i am enjoying what i am doing. i finally feel 'set' in my career for the first time since graduation. i feel satisfied with what i have in my professional life.
On personal front, things are going good. me and S are finding enough time for each other. there are no invasions in the privacy (oh i wish it remains that way! ;))
i just got a call from S. He got his assessment results. well, he has been graded a rank higher than what he was expecting. and he is one of the few cases (who have joined recently in the company) to have got that! Oh i am so happy for him. So, tonite is going to be a celebration day. Co-incidently my maternal uncle is also in town and we all are going to go out together.
At the end of the day i am getting satisfaction of having done something valuable during the day!!
it feels good....

Updates...

Nothing has changed. Everything is normal!
We had a puja on sunday at our place. Not many people were invited. Just my parents and sushils side of the family. Sushil side of the elder family did arrive in time. The puja was planned for 12.15. It did start on time too. but the younger generation arrived just in time for ....... well.....lunch... at 2.00 p.m. they missed the puja.. intentionally or unintentionally, well, i dont know that and i dont care what the hell they do.. so, basically, you know... nothing has changed.. everything is normal.. and like a stupid person i was seeing a ray of light at the end of this pitch black tunnel.. at the back of the mind, i knew that when i would emerge out of the tunnel, it was going be a pitch black, moonless night anyways!
If i dont care about this then why the hell am i writing about it? Well, just because i want to keep this in my memory long enough because it did hurt S very much! and as i said a hundred times before, i hate seeing him hurt like that. so, thinking of some sort of vengeance.. vengeance is sweet! no?
Oh! i have become so bad!!
The accident issue is still not coming to rest. now the two wheeler person is asking for the original hospital bill inspite of the fact that we have paid it entirely. reason: he has to claim the insurance (for himself). Otherwise, he says, we will come and beat S up....
its a tough decision, but then i have decided not to relent to the request. why do i do everything that pathetic person asks? i have asked S to ignore all the calls and not talk to him at all. if it extends, we will just lodge a complaint with the police. One scratch on S, and i will make sure that man is destroyed for the rest of his life. its time probably i start trusting the police force of India and go and ask for help, the legal way!
Lets see what all happens..
Between, i got company in office. a new person just joined in my department. A female, my age, my batch (from a different college and course). No one knows whats her role is going to be. She is however on induction currently. RI is all the more confused.. he's sitting away at the other office and is totally unaware of the scene here! he shud be back this week... and then things should start to unfold.
I am a bit scared currently. there is a lot of expectation from me. i mean, people here want to push me ahead in my career. i am being trusted and given a lot of responsibilities. and that, is sort of scaring me a bit. what if i fail to satisfy all these expectations. what if i make a disaster?
God help me! when i shud be happy i am feeling sad and nervous. i think i have the illness (its some sort of depression..i dont remember the name exactly) which is mentioned in one of the Sydney Sheldons book (the other side of me) as i am showing all the symptoms (literally!!)

A project......

Here, again, i am doing projects which have nothing to do with my job profile. But, have a lot to do with my personal interests. These are the kind of projects that capture my attention instantly. Something, i really love to do...
okay, this is not something great. Actually we are planning to give our office canteen a makeover. currently, it is in a wonderful shape. but it would be so for new comers like me. for people who are seeing it for the past 11 years, it has definitely become very boring and dull and gloomy!
So, how did i get into this? actually it was across the table when we were having breakfast. there had been an audit of the canteen few days previously and it was found that there could be a lot of improvements. well, so we were eating and BB suddenly told MM that the wall between the seating area and the kitchen needs to be transparent so that the kitchen wud automatically be spick and span. so, MM suggested that we need to change the cutlery and furniture as well.... actually need to change everything..
we were 3 females sitting on the table apart from this lot and BB suddenly announced that renovation of a place like canteen is best done by ladies. So the ladies sitting at that table at that point of time got the job. it was me, k, and moe
we had our aamby valley day coming closer and we had to practice for our dance too, so we accepted the target at that time but gave a farther deadline.
Aamby valley was over and we had to act now because everyone was asking us for the status of the project that was handed over across that breakfast table!!!!
So we went on a expedition to all the canteens where our caterer serves to. and, we were depressed seeing that. we'd thought, our canteen was out of the ordinary, exceptional.. but the canteens we were seeing were far better. of course they were all just 2 years old and ours is almost 11..
anyways, so we started with a list of things we saw and some photographs to back it up. We visited 3 places that day and the last was canteen of a school called Gurukul. It was amazing! the school in itself was amazing. The facilities and also the fees are ofcourse exorbitant. its a residential school and later i was wondering if at any point of time i would be able to afford the fees if i want to send my kids to that school.. well.. may be.. hopefully..
So, after seeing the canteen and kitchens in all the areas, we started our journey back and got stuck in traffic for over an hour and a half! that was the irritating part of the day. but rest was great!
so we got a general idea of the latest trends and started renovating the canteen in our minds eye.
We made one more trip after that and went places, mostly to the suppliers seeing the various types of cutlery that would be available. it was hot. stuffy. but we had a very good biriyani that day which practically compensated everything else. Lastly we went to Big Baazar to find the largest variety. the entire day seemed waste as we realised we shud have visited big baazar first!
Anyways, so all the data gathered, we were then planning to visit Mumbai to see the crockery and cutlery because it would be around 30% cheaper there than here. but, that never happened cauz BB thought, we were breaking our heads too much on this project. So he asked us to present the data we had gathered and then hand everything over to the company who manages our canteen facilities to do the rest!
well, then armed with the rapidly made presentation we headed upstairs to show it and then came the unexpected. Phones were dialled and within a minute, all the managers in the company arrived to have a look at it. i have never seen people assemble so fast. ofcourse when the boss calls you, you better be there!
So, only the presentation done, we were not at all prepared to speak in front of a dozen others. 'Phew! alright, lets get over with it'
and then, we began. Hardly any questions, many nods, many smiles..... we were succeding..
everyone liked our ideas. appreciated what we had done. gave their suggestions and some tight deadlines too! We were ecstatic!!
one comment, 'you are really taking efforts to do all this. and you have done well. just remember that after all this is done, people will still make annoying comments'
Well, we already knew this, but we really appreciated him telling this!
afterwards, there was a definite upswing in the mood and somehow this has boasted my confidence which i had sort of lost during past couple of months.
So now, we are on mission canteen with a tough deadline to meet.
The joy of creation is lovely. we are not creating anything, its just a renovation... but... well, lets say creating a new canteen. I hope it turns out to be beautiful...
this will definitely be an experience which will teach me a lot of things and which i will remember for a long long time..

Trapped...

The silence.. the silence before the storm. That’s what I am feeling like right now.
Actually, nothing to worry. Everything is going great. But, that precisely is the reason for me to panic. Everything is going fine!!
Why have I become a moron like this?
Good question! I don’t know. I don’t know what is happening to me. There is this connection between me and badly timed depression. And it is getting stronger by the day. Every time, when I should be happy ideally, I feel sad. I feel afraid of the happiness. And I feel so angry.............all the time!
I feel like a bad person desperately trying to become a good person and inside my own head I am unable to communicate what I want, what I want to do, what I want to become, to myself even.
I feel so.............................trapped!!

Save the earth...

Please read here and join in.....
Join in On March 29th, at 8 pm in whichever part of the world you live, turn off the lights. For one hour. One single hour....
Thanks...

Pravs World....Let go...

Let go of the Past,
Only then you move towards the future.

Let go of the Regrets,
Only then you move towards the happiness.

Let go of the Presumptions,
Only then you move towards the truth.

Let go of the Problems,
Only then you move towards the solutions.

Let go of Yourself,
Only then you move towards the divinity.

Renovating the house

Well, we are finally doing some changes in the house. There are a lot of things that need to be changed, but we have settled on redecorating the living room only for the moment. So yesterday, the entire day was spent in going around the city and exploring various shops. me and S were quite clear in our minds about what we wanted so the actual shopping did not take too long. Everything was finalized and we are getting half of the things tomorrow and the rest on next sunday. I was happy to have been given the free reign to do what ever i wanted and buy what ever i liked and that too by my ils (when this was said, i just stopped short of having an actual fit!). And well actually i was amazed with this sudden change of attitude and on top of that the readiness to sponser most of the things (i did need a bit of support to stand after hearing this)! i mean, knowing them (rather him) this was entirely unexpected in this lifetime. MIL wasnt entire convinced of his spending money and did retort saying that no redecoration was needed. but that indeed was a feeble retort and she didnt stop us in the end either. to cap it all, the sofa sets what we have selected are a bit trendy and out of the league of the conventional ones. well, they didnt seem to object that either! i was feeling.... well, cant describe in the right state of mind even.
I dont know what has caused these things. probably my patience paid off. probably Ss patience paid off. probably their happiness of going to the 'other house' (i doubt it though) paid off. whatever it is, i mean, this was a complete transformation.
i pray to God, for the first time for my ils: 'may the love, sanity and understanding never die!'
no one would ever imagine how jealous i felt on seeing an entire family together, laughing, enjoying. we never had this problem on my side of the family. Unfortunately, as sis isnt stationed in our city, our entire family get-togethers are limited. but we do make sure to make the most of them when we meet.
This attitude has always lacked on Ss side of the family. i dare say that it is almost stupid to expect this from b/sil and i know that they would never want to be family ever. but with this attitude change from ils, i do see a tinge of hope, a ray of light at the end of a long tunnel. I want to run towards it, grab it in my hands and never let it go... but i am afraid that by the time i manage to cross the threshold, it will just flicker out. I am afraid that someone will not be happy to see that i am managing to live happily. Someone who i feel has always been on a lookout to hurt me. someone, who feels that i am responsible for them to land up in a state they have. A fear, that is always lurking at the back of my mind. A fear that i would see the omen again.
But as i write these lines, my fear abates. My resolute comes marching forward along the widest highway of my heart and gives me hope. Gives me a new strength. A strength to fight my deepest fears. and there is a sudden warmness that floods my fingers which had gone numb writing those lines. A warmth that makes me think clearly and a fire which says that i am even ready to kill, if i have to, to stop any pain, frustration or anger from reaching S henceforth.....
yeah.. too philosophical. but its just what i feel. its just what i had in my mind and i spelled it out....
So back to redecorating the house (in my minds eye for the moment).... catch ya all later.......

In tough times....

In tough times you will often find two hands... eagerly waiting to help you...
and those hands will be at the end of your own arms.....
Believe in yourself!!!

A day at Aamby Valley

A day at Aamby valley! well, i was finally there.
The journey to the place started at 9 in the morning, and we were there by 11.30 a.m. Welcomed by a parade of 'dhol taashe'and a huge crowd from the event management team. Armed with the keys to our cottages, we headed towards them in a battery operated open car. it was like travelling thru heaven. the place was so beautiful, so clean, so organized, (well, i am not proud to say this) it didnt feel as if we were in India!
Freshened up, we went for a magnificant lunch (which eventually became heavy also) and then headed up for a treasure hunt! Well, this part was not really fun. The basic purpose was some sight seeing and playing the game. but it all turned out to be just running around and getting baked in the sun! i will need a month or probably two to lose all the tan that i've got in these two days.
Next came the evening party, where we were to perform. We got all ready and came and sat in the open air theater to see Navjot Singh Siddu standing in front of us on the stage and addressing the crowd! And we were standing there, dumb struck, and cried out, 'Oh My God!!'
well, the performance of Siddu was as usual fabulous, in the end giving the message that if you want to excel in something, all you have to do is be yourself. That is what will make you different from others! how very true!
The performance was followed by a presentation and a award ceremony. The award ceremony was punctuated by our performances. We sung first. And i'll tell you, it went pathetic. The orchestra was horrible, we missed our pitch and everything went hay wire! Well, we were not doomed by that because our main performance was yet to come. So after that, we went in for some last minute practice for the dance. We danced on "jhoom barabar jhoom" by the way, from the new movie with the same name.
and suddenly we were called upon. We went on stage, all ready, all excited and all with a strong want of winning the prize. In our positions and the song started, "mungala, mungalaaa, mungalaa.. main gud ki kali...." we were just standing there, waving our hands at the music co-ordinator, looking bewildered and wondering 'now what to we do???'
well, the music co-ordinator was confused because the boys from our troupe were also going to perform on the same song.. it was not entirely his mistake! Anyways, so music stopped, and we resumed our positions, the song started (correct this time) and we danced our way thru as never before in practice. Perfect syncro, all with full energy and we had a blast out there. People were excited because of the performance, and we received a once more! (well, we were going to receive it anyways. with a full support from the entire factory staff, what were we going to expect?) But when BB came over looking as if we had already won the prize, congratulating all of us, then we were quite sure that we had indeed given a spectacular performance!
Then came a surprise, the boys asked us to dance on their next number (mungalaaa) and that was so sudden! we didnt know the music, we didnt know their steps, nothing! all they told us was that when we sit down and do a rowing like action, you come in and do something. and there we were, setting the steps for our guest appearance. All was set, we had gone and changed into our party clothes and then, finally we were called. They went in, started their performance and then suddenly, AM calls us and say, 'come on.. come on..' We enter, though this was not they entry point decided previously. And then SG and PS look at us and mouth "you are early". 'What do we do?' and then AM throws in the answer, "ab kuch bhi karo" (now do anything you like). and then we went ahead to give one of the most chaotic and unsynchronised, on the spot performance of the century (i suppose)
But anyways, this performance was the most fun of all! we enjoyed and danced carelessly without any fear or consciousness. It was fun all the way!
To our greatest surprise, we won the first prise for our dance (not mungalaa, for jhoom barabar jhoom) and gave another of the worst performances on stage when we went up there to receive the award.
The night after that was, well, rocking.. We danced till 1'o clock in the morning and then stayed on till 2.30 a.m. or so, singing songs and cracking jokes and laughing till our stomachs hurt! 2.30 a.m., our HRM finally threw us out of the place and ordered us to get back to our rooms. Well, not so easily we said, we didnt take the car, but decided to walk back (4 kms! :)) but unfortunately after walking 1/4th of the distance, the event co-ordinator got the information somehow and hit us with the information that 'it is so unsafe wandering around like this in a totally secluded area in the middle of the night on your own!!!!!!' (yeah right!) so he sent us a car and we got back to our cottages safe and sound.
After reaching back, we had a session of gossip about the hot-shots in our company. Listening to the stories, all i was doing was rolling about with laughter. OMG! the gossips that go around and the stories that have been built up are absolutely hilarious! I could believe it for a second, but when people (reliable resources) started telling what they had actually seen, then the things started dawning on me. I am not going to spell out any of it of course, not even with the abbreviated names. it wont make sense to anyone anyways, would it?
So, finally we slept at 3.00, for four hours, in a wonderful soft bed and then the deep sleep was shattered by the musical alarm of my mobile phone. Getting out of the warmth of the bed, cursing myself for having slept so late, i still eagerly got up and got ready because i awaited the coming day with much anticipation.
With a stumptuous breakfast gone down in the stomach, we then relaxed into one more gossiping session. That, was broken though because we had some more games lined up for us. Caterpillar race (i dont want to explain it now), tug of war, a cricket match.. and everything again right under the nose of the blazing sun! Anyways, so with the end of games (our team: team blue; won by the way!! :)) we had the closing session where everyone was given blue and white balloons which we let go of together.. and they went higher and higher up in the sky. That was one beautiful sight!
After lunch and heavy deserts, we settled in our buses to head back to our homes. We were so tired that deep sleep engulfed almost everyone and we got back up after we had travelled almost half the distance back home. And it was hot inspite of the A/C in the bus. That was saturday.
Sunday was spent eating and sleeping; eating and sleeping; eating and sleeping and doing nothing else (i did cook food in the morning though). But the entire event was now turning out to be very tiresome! Every inch of my body from the tip of my hair to the nail of my toes was screeming with pain. Sleep was the only alternative, which i did. But not fitfully. I kept on getting wierd dreams, which gave me a very disturbed sleep again. Probably the fear that now my happiness should not get shattered in the depths of troubles and irritations and anger and frustration. But fortunately nothing of that sort has happened.
So this was it.. some photographs from aamby valley are put up on my orkut album just in case nyones interested to see that..
Now, to get back to work.. but will write soon.. till then...

aching..

yeah.. i am aching.. badly.. i danced yesterday for 3 hours over and over and over again practicing the steps and while going home itself i had started to feel my legs and hands aching. We were discussing on the bus about the dance steps and formations and at that precise moment, the driver applied the breaks. We all leaned forward to see what was happening and at that moment, the bus collided with a truck in front of us who had suddenly applied the breaks (yeah, on a highway and we wud have been running at a speed of about 100 kmph). And Bang! we all collided with the backs of the seats in front of us! Oh my chin is still paining badly!!!
Our driver controlled the bus beautifully. If he would not have, this bump would have resulted in a serious accident. God bless him!
So, am back to office today with my whole body acing from the sudden dance regime and my chin a bit more painful and a bit swollen too.
continued-28feb08
Well, as a matter of fact i am still aching. And fuming too because of lack of co-operation form the OM. It is irritating. I am stuck up just for one email id. Pathetic. anyways, my singing (yes. i am singing too!) and dance practice is going fine. its just today we've got. tomorrow is the competition. i hope we are good. Prize is secondary, performance is important (well, i am going to be disappointed if some one else wins, but still... performance is important!)
Responsibility is going to be added to my current role and that too on the most significant day of my life. Just accepted a meeting invite for the discussion of the same which is to happen soon.
Lot of things are going on in my head. Loads of confusion. I am going to have to change my approach totally towards attacking the problems now. I get very easily distracted. That needs to be changed. And most importantly, passion.. passion abt the work. I need to start belonging to the company, which i often find so difficult. Not only in the professional world, but personal too. I am too independent to get attached to something emotionally. the work is done just because i am getting paid for it. not because of an interest or longing to do it. That part is definitely missing. i am not ashamed to admit it. i dont care. because whatever job has been given to me, it happens on time no matter what! But still, i do feel that somethings missing..
somethings definitely missing.... and that will have to flow in soon.. very soon...

A wish, a dream, a truth...

A wish to write many things, a wish to keep quite, a wish to cry, a wish to smile, a wish to shout aloud and a wish to keep silent... all at the same time. Does it happen to everyone?
i read one of my favourite blogs today. and it just gave me a push to write. i hadnt in a long time and there were so many things trapped inside which i didnt had time to actually pen down!
S is fine now (or so i hope), atleast thats what the doctor said. nothing to worry about as long he takes the medication prescribed. So a bit of tension off the hook.
I finally got an aide. She is quite elder, talks a lot, demanded a lot of money, but has said that will not take leave, and atleast was clean and through with her work! So i dont mind shedding a few extra bucks as long as i dont have to do it myself. Still, i have kept the cooking part to me cauz i will have to cook only for me n s (this is going to happen soon enuf!! *grin*) yeah, alright, i am bad! anything else?
-----------------------------------------
The dance practice for a competition in office starts today... no need to laugh, i am dancing.. and i hope the stage retains atleast half its strength after the performance is over! alright, join the laugh!
when i told this to sushil, he was..well, i think i better not describe his reaction! but i have decided to myself to have fun, no matter what! to use the words i hate the most 'come what may!'
i dont know why people even use this phrase, it so pathetic and i think gramatically wrong. not that i am even the 'average' category when it comes to language, but still, i hate these words and specially the people who have used it often in the past and may be the present!
well, anyways, whats the point in indulging myself again into the topic which i want to forget for good?
Sitting in an A/C office, doesnt often allow you to bear the sun outside. i am very cold right now, just wish, i'd got my jacket along... ofcourse, this wish will no longer exist when i start my journey back home.
Tomorrow again i am in the city office. so will start late and come early! i just wish that when i come back home, i just have some peace in the house. it must be clean, it musnt be messy, my kitchen should be spotless, just as i had left it while leaving in the morning, then i boil a cup of milk, add some sugar and a lot of coffee, take the cup in my hand, and go n sit at the window watching kids play below. When i finish my coffee, i get up, stretch till my toes below give away, go to the kitchen and start preparation for dinner. By the time i finish it, S arrives, i have another cuppa coffee with him, we discuss the day, we make plans for tomorrow and have a quite dinner with no television running in the background, just listening to soft music...
We go for a stroll after dinner, just walk, hand in hand, letting the silence do the talking, return home and go to sleep in the warm and soft bed...
oh! this seems like a dream! its been ages since we have spent an evening like this.. i just wish that we have that much time and patience for each other to have many more such evenings in near and far future!!

Pravs World... Look within..!

People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace.
They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them.
The irony is that the only place they ever needed to search was within themselves.

Updates...

Saturday was a busy day. Early morning i got the news of the shift and the monster inside me held its happy head high and roared with pleasure. In the morning i had to attend a wedding and a ring ceremony in the evening. So it was very busy!
Sunday, S took leave!! *grin*< So happy day all the way!
Monday crept along, and 5.30 in the morning felt like the day shouldnt start! Dragging out of the bed (fortunately it not cold now) and getting ready seemed to take an eternity! Day in the office has started pretty well. Gaining some confidence on the things around. Need to build a lot more.
The reference to the person i hate the most in this world keeps popping up every day or two. I meet someone, somewhere and the topic is inadvertantly dragged in the conversation leaving me fuming at the end because of the memories that surface immediately. Such a conversation happened on saturday evening, where i was expecting the person to turn up, with half a desire saying i didnt want to see the face, and half saying i wanted to slap it! Anyways, the first half won, and i had a peaceful time.
Life seems empty. With nothing happening. Just the routine of getting up and coming to office and going home to again come to the office the next day. No fun, no outings, and i am fed up of cooking and cleaning (yeah, still havent got an aide!!) and i am fed up of listening to the bickering at home.
Yesterday we had gone to my SILs place. She has re-decorated the house and the idea appealed to me so much, that i decided it was about time to bring in some changes at the place where i live, to call it a home. Well, one change (which will help me embrace the fact that it is a home) will be happening this month end, and then remain all the materialistic things, which can be managed easily! So time to start thinking how to redecorate the house!!

Harry Potter

I am reading the series third time already! And this time too, i find it so good and enchanting. Reading it, is already encouraging me to read it once more in future.
First time i read it, i missed many things, loose threads, minor clues. When i read it the second time, i could link everything up making connections in my head to the facts that were all closed in the seventh book.
Reading the third time, i still find it amazing because i can now concentrate on the language that has been used. the words, the phrases, the expression of feelings (which is amazing.. you can actually feel them while you are reading the book. The imagination of scenes, just as if it is happening in front of your eyes (and with the star cast already seen in the 5 movies, you can imagine them very well; though, movies were a big disappointment when compared to the books!)
Anyways, so i shall be completing the series 3rd time by sunday. Well not a feat, really! i could have done much better, constructive things during this time.. but reading HP just makes me drift from my worries, from the problems, from this world (which is getting more n more dreadful with pollution and weather change and so many murders and riots and rapes and horrible things)
So getting away from these worries and entering the magical world of JKR feels wonderful. Though there is nothing permanent in that, finally i have to realise which world I am living in and continue playing my part in it to make this world a better place!!

Long Time...

a long day. Work pending for yesterday done.
the list of work to be done updated! (phew!!)
Requested meeting by B of me, him and R tomorrow to discuss abt me! (*grin*)
I knew that my mobile dangling on a rope around my neck is a safety issue and i had to sort it out permanently. unfortunately BB saw it today and raised the concerns! :(
I have to come out with a solution now.
Anyways, glad to have a lot of stuff done which i couldnt do yesterday and cauz of which the boiling point of my anger was as usual reached by the time i went home!
There is a growing concern about S which actually welled up inside me yesterday when mum saw him after a fortnight and got into a state of panic, eventually extending it to me too. Doc says he will have to be on medication for some more time (believe me, this some more time is in years) which i came to know today morn and felt as if a cold steel brick was sliding down my throat and settled with the thump in my stomach! He realised the panic in my voice and i hope has got serious about the issue too. Now i need to explain this to my ILs to please leave him alone for some years so that he can recover fully. I hope, I pray, i beg to God.. Oh please, hear me out this one time!!

A quote from Pravs World
---------------------------
Don't assume you've lots of time for all you want to do.
Though the future seems to stretch away into the blue...

Maybe you intend to scale those summits far away...,
But all that matters - is the hill you've got to climb today.
---------------------------

Just to say 'I am alive!!'
Loads to tell; but nothing to write...

Another Story

Another story from which i would like to take inspiration from. This tells me that to be successful, you just need to know yourself the best and act accordingly... and the success is all yours...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.

"Sensei,"(Teacher in Japanese) the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.

Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.

Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.

This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.

"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue." Soon after the match

resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard.

Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament.

He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match.

Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.

"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"

"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost

mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo.

And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."

The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.

Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, and never think of pride or pain.

05/02/08

Got to handle the first RM supplier (in person) today. When I took them on a round of the organization, they were asking me many questions, to which I did not knew the answers. At that time I understood, there is still so much I do not know. They were asking questions and I was answering, ‘I’ll have to check that out’
I felt like stabbing myself in the heart and die right there at that moment! And on top of that, the lady comes and tells B that I did a good job. I was pink with embarrassment. Probably, that was precisely the reason XB sent me with them. Oh lord!
Now, I need to be prepared for the meeting that is supposed to happen the day after. I want to make sure that I don’t feel like killing myself then.
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Home front - glad to say that I still haven’t got any aide to work and I am going home and doing everything. But the positive side says that I am losing a bit of weight in that process. *smile*
S’s blood reports did not come out to be entirely normal. And I am a hell lot worried about him. The doctors attribute it to the ‘tension’ and I do the same. Who do I attribute this to? That female who created the 'hell' of the situation or myself for landing in such a situation and not acting at a proper time?
Well, as the comparison was made between me and her (that I acted so wrong and she would have done the right thing if she was in my place), I will like to say that I am doing the right thing. I am not going to (and I never have) attribute the problems in my life to some one else (as opposed to what she did, all the time!!). What happens in my life is because of my decisions and my actions and no one elses. I will not blame anyone for what has happened in my life simply because I DO NOT give this power of creating ‘hell OR heaven’ in my life to anyone else on this earth except myself. And I chose to create heaven not hell of what has happened. And I will…
I hadn’t made any new years resolution, but here goes my first
My new years resolution says that
1. I will not do or say anything which might trouble S and make him tense.
2. I will try my best not to repeat my mistakes because of which S is unhappy
3. I will stop pestering him about ILs (this by far is the most difficult thing to do…… but hell, summers just around the corner!!!)
4. I will try and not be lazy and cook good food which he enjoys having the most (yeah.. the route to a guys heart is via his stomach!! No complaints there, cauz I already got the heart!! :D)
5. Well, enough resolutions for now!

Wish me luck guys!!!

Restricting Access

I am wondering whether to restrict access for the blog. the blogs very personal. and i feel very vulnarable expressing my feelings so openly. i feel very vulnarable cauz of the fact that anyone can read my thoughts. Dangerous.. quite dangerous..
What do i do?

A quote...

I met money one day. I said, "You are just a piece of paper."

Money smiled and said, "Of course I'm a piece of paper, but I haven't seen a dustbin yet, in my life"

01/02/2008

First day of the second month!! Oh, okay, relax.. I am not going to recount a list of what happened! That was said and done in the last post.
Yesterday, I had a stiff neck. When I wanted to turn and look sideways, I had to turn my entire body to do so.
When I went home, MIL noticed something wrong with my neck and offered some medicines.. (WOW!!! :)), well, not only offered, actually got them for me to the living room. That itself seemed to lessen my pain to half. And thanks to her, I can comfortably move my neck today with almost negligible pain!
Me n S went out yesterday just to roam around. That was after a long time. And as usual, we ended up eating bhel and wada paav at a road side tapari and literally screwing my diet regime! But its okay once in a time (that’s my most used retort in these circumstances!)
Today, I am short of work. Its not that I actually don’t have work to do, its just that I am not in the mood of doing it. Everyday, I am literally dragging myself out of bed early in the morning when its still pitch dark outside. Setting my foot in the cold bathroom is like a punishment for which I have no choice! Eventually, by the time I go through my usual routine and I am all geared up to leave, I am wide awake and S is still sleeping in that warm blanket. Oh I feel so jealous! But, its just today.. I tell myself, because tomorrow is weekend and I get to sleep as long as I want! :) that’s an added motivation to get going for work so that the day ends as quickly as it started and then, its Saturday!
I love weekends just because they give me the luxury of sleeping for a long time. Else, I am not really a fan of Saturdays n Sundays! S is off to work, and I have to sit at home (if I do) confined to my room, not having the luxury to watch t.v. at my will cauz its continuously running channels my ILs want to see (oh Summers! Arrive soon!!) and then, I have to cook even in the mornings and wash and clean because when I am off from office, MILs off from house work. That’s the rule (obviously NOT decided by me, unsaid, unwritten, just to be understood) never to be broken!
Anyways, so weekends here and my plans are full for tomorrow. S is off on this Sunday (*grin*) and I am planning not to let him out of my sight for even a single moment…