We resumed the journey and barely after 15 mins of traveling, he stopped the bus. After half an hour we came to know there was a breakdown. We were at a distance of about 50 kms from Pune. However, there was no extra bus available in Pune and they called a spare from Kolhapur which was about 200 kms away. So there we were, stranded on the highway in the middle of the night waiting for the spare bus to arrive! It did, after 3 hours and then we finally shifted all our luggage onto that bus and started again. We reached Kolhapur at 0600 in the morning (we should have reached here at 0000 hrs in normal circumstances). The bus stopped on a petrol pump. 15 mins... 30 mins... an hour... two hours... it didn’t move an inch. Well, this bus broke down too.. irritating it was... however, sushil could capture a few beautiful shots of the sunrise.
We finally reached Goa at 1400 hrs instead of 0700 hrs. it was tiring. We took an auto home and I got the first glimpse of Goa. Tired as I was, it didn’t stop my spirits to soar up. The houses, the roads, the weather... it was beautiful! Lunch at home and little nap did a little trick of refreshing us up. Evening, we were supposed to go on a beach, however, we got a little late and it was already dark by then, so we changed our route to Martins corner. It is this famous sea food restaurant there which has served very famous people like Aishwarya Rai, AB, Suniel Shetty, and Sachin Tendulkar and the list is endless. There is this wall with all the photographs... (I forgot to take a picture of that!!)
So we had a splendid dinner. I relished on the fish... it was toooooooo good!!! Then we returned home and slept.
Next day was packed. We had this huge number of things to do and a lot of places to visit. We started at about 1000 hrs (we could have started earlier... anyways) and first went to a temple near Ponda. I honestly do not remember the name of the place. S’s sister had come there so the purpose was to meet them. then we went to meet S’s sister who stays in Goa. We spent the morning there. It was, umm, a bit unplanned but we had to. Then we went to this mess near the Mangeshi mandir to had lunch. The fish fry I had there was A M A Z I N G! next stop was the St. Francis church. Its beautiful!!
Next we started for the Calangute beach. It is this crowded beach with a lot of shacks and lot of semi-nude foreigners. I did not take that photographs and even if I did, I am not going to put it on this blog.
We did some water sports there. I just sat in a speed boat. However, S and Manish (S’s jiju) did para-sailing too. And in the mean time, me and Yaba (my sis in law) sat there watching these firangi ladies in bikinis and wishing we had that figure too... well, yaba is thin.. and by thin, I mean very thin.. oh, to be precise, she wud be somewhere lower than size zero. But still, a perfect figure is still a perfect figure!
The day ended and we saw the sunset on that crowded beach.
I would have preferred somewhere silent, lonely, sitting down facing the sun and closing your eyes when the sun is half set. Closing ur eyes and think about all those things which have gone terribly wrong and then all those which have been miraculously right. Open your eyes and then sun is fully set. But the sky is lit up with the orange glow. It feels beautiful. I first tried this exercise when I had gone to hari-hareshwar with the Cummins group and second time at Diweagar with S. the day ended and we went home. Had dinner (home made) and then we went to see ‘Narkasur night’. It is this big event in Goa where there is a procession of ‘Narkasur’ and a competition for that too.
Last day in Goa was spent at home and we started our journey back at 1800 hrs in the evening. The journey back was uncomfortable but we reached in time. Diwali zoomed by and the holidays were soon over.
Then came the period which I was not really looking forward to. The audit preparations. It did not go as I had expected them too. I didn’t get any help from anyone initially. No support. And the usual unnecessarily proud me.. I didn’t even go and ask for help. I kept it to myself. I struggled to get work done. I failed. I tried again. I failed. Finally, I did it myself. I was frustrated. I was worried. I was ashamed of my self not being able to do anything. Anything at all. I cried, I hated myself, I made a resolute of quitting my position at the end of the audit. Da helped me a lot. But I could not go to him for each and everything. I could not go to Sag for everything too. Going to Sam was not being very useful. The shop floor boys and my new team member helped me. I was aware of atleast someone being helpful. We did whatever we could and we managed to put up some show out there.
Finally in the last 3 days of the audit, Sas came and helped me. He was to present the stuff and he was not ready. No practice, no script, no preparation.
‘your pillar is so weak’
I was tired to hear this. Every time I heard this, my eyes would fill with tears. I felt as if someone is talking bad about my baby. I hated everyone for that. And for the first time, first time, I felt connected to my job. First time I felt my emotional independence collapse. I had waited for this day for so long. But I never thought it would come in this way. I thought it would be a proud moment where I would be praised for my achievement. But it was not.
Finally the audit day arrived and everything went smooth. It was close to perfect.
Isn’t it said, ‘alls well that ends well’. But was it?
I went through various phases during this time. Happiness, laughter, tears, tension – so much I could feel myself shaking, I spent sleepless nights... it was everything.
I vowed not to trust anyone, I vowed not to depend on anyone. I vowed to quit, I vowed not to do anyone elses job, I vowed not to help anyone because they didn’t help me. I vowed, I cursed, I thundered, I cried, I felt so helpless. I felt so angry, all the time!
I realized I was becoming like everyone else. I was losing me.
But I pulled through. I never thought I would, but I did. And now, I vowed to turn things around, I vowed to give my best... I am glad I returned. And I hope that I get better.
The audit day ended with a party. The party ended with a movie. Dostana. We were a group of 10 and a couple of unexpected people joined too. About Dostana, later...
Today we decided to start afresh. I discussed my thinking with kv. He saw some meaning to it. But it was not completed due to lack of time. However, we will continue tomorrow...
Afterall, the work has just begun.....................................
