I do not ask to walk smooth paths nor bear an easy load.
I pray for strength and fortitude to climb the rock strewn road.
Give me such courage and I can scale the hardest peaks alone;
And then I shall learn to transform every stumbling block into a stepping stone.
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I really dont know what to title this one!
Things are moving ahead and I am being pushed to perform. I am happy and scared at the same time because there are so many expectations from me. And I dread the moment when and if people will come and tell me that I could not fulfill those expectations. This fear outperforms my desire to work and I get a huge setback, being able to do nothing of the things I am supposed to do.
Again this time, I am relying on the fact that writing these things will help me abate the fear and start working in the right direction. Believing in the saying that ‘better late than ever’, I will be atleast partially be able to fulfill the expectations people have of me.
Things at home are fine. Nothing special. We celebrated S’s birthday in a different way. It was not planned really. Things just unfolded on the spur of the moment. First, BB was going to give a party in Pizza hut. And me and s had planned to go out for dinner with family. His side of the ‘so called’ family; meaning his parents, brother and sis in law weren’t going to come. This we understood in the afternoon of S’s birthday. They had to go to the sis in laws sisters place for dinner. Pathetic. I know! But, I don’t think I missed anything in life because of their absence. I cudnt be more glad. S was upset. Of course. But its time he realizes what his ‘so called family’ is and how much he means to them.
He wont realize this, the way he is. He will forget the way they have treated him in a couple of hours. Ironically, that’s what I love the most about him. Forgive and forget. He preaches it and practices at all times in his life.
But me, I used to be ‘forgive but never forget’. Slowly, I am turning into ‘neither forgive, nor forget’. Its life. I have become like this because of the choices I have made. And I know that the choices I make are going to create some sparks in our life. But people here are ‘I-me-myself’. A bang is needed to make them aware that the world apart from them exists. I don’t care. But it matters to me that atleast S’s family realizes that he is not happy with what is going on.
So, was telling about S’s birthday. So his ‘family’ was not going to be there. Probably they didn’t think it was important enough to be there with the member of their ‘family’.
I am channeling my anger thru him. I am not totally correct on my part doing this. but i didnt see any other way. so i made the choice.
Aso, so S had come to pick me up at pizza hut. And when everyone from my office came to know that he is outside, they insisted to call him in. Then he came, sat with us, ate pizza and chit-chatted. There is a custom in PHut that all the boys there sing a song for the birthday boy/girl. So AD insisted that we tell them it was S’s birthday. We did, and they sang a hip-hop birthday song. And everyone applauded. Everyone apart from the people with whom he feels so close was there for him on his birthday.
Then we went for dinner (we didn’t eat that much pizza!!). Kay, her daughter and her hubby joined us too along with my mum n dad. We had a nice light dinner. Had a laugh. Had a nice time together. At the end of the day I was happy the way we spent his birthday. But he was not entirely. He couldn’t understand the reason for his family not being there with him the day he had successfully lived the 27th year of his life. He still doesn’t!
Again this time, I am relying on the fact that writing these things will help me abate the fear and start working in the right direction. Believing in the saying that ‘better late than ever’, I will be atleast partially be able to fulfill the expectations people have of me.
Things at home are fine. Nothing special. We celebrated S’s birthday in a different way. It was not planned really. Things just unfolded on the spur of the moment. First, BB was going to give a party in Pizza hut. And me and s had planned to go out for dinner with family. His side of the ‘so called’ family; meaning his parents, brother and sis in law weren’t going to come. This we understood in the afternoon of S’s birthday. They had to go to the sis in laws sisters place for dinner. Pathetic. I know! But, I don’t think I missed anything in life because of their absence. I cudnt be more glad. S was upset. Of course. But its time he realizes what his ‘so called family’ is and how much he means to them.
He wont realize this, the way he is. He will forget the way they have treated him in a couple of hours. Ironically, that’s what I love the most about him. Forgive and forget. He preaches it and practices at all times in his life.
But me, I used to be ‘forgive but never forget’. Slowly, I am turning into ‘neither forgive, nor forget’. Its life. I have become like this because of the choices I have made. And I know that the choices I make are going to create some sparks in our life. But people here are ‘I-me-myself’. A bang is needed to make them aware that the world apart from them exists. I don’t care. But it matters to me that atleast S’s family realizes that he is not happy with what is going on.
So, was telling about S’s birthday. So his ‘family’ was not going to be there. Probably they didn’t think it was important enough to be there with the member of their ‘family’.
I am channeling my anger thru him. I am not totally correct on my part doing this. but i didnt see any other way. so i made the choice.
Aso, so S had come to pick me up at pizza hut. And when everyone from my office came to know that he is outside, they insisted to call him in. Then he came, sat with us, ate pizza and chit-chatted. There is a custom in PHut that all the boys there sing a song for the birthday boy/girl. So AD insisted that we tell them it was S’s birthday. We did, and they sang a hip-hop birthday song. And everyone applauded. Everyone apart from the people with whom he feels so close was there for him on his birthday.
Then we went for dinner (we didn’t eat that much pizza!!). Kay, her daughter and her hubby joined us too along with my mum n dad. We had a nice light dinner. Had a laugh. Had a nice time together. At the end of the day I was happy the way we spent his birthday. But he was not entirely. He couldn’t understand the reason for his family not being there with him the day he had successfully lived the 27th year of his life. He still doesn’t!
Friday, August 22, 2008
theres nothing worst than this that can happen!
Days turn into nights and nights give way to days. And time passes. Very fast.
Things change. And so have I, in many aspects of life. Yes, AGAIN!
I have become harsh with S especially when it comes to his parents and brother and his admission process. Perhaps because I was subdued with my team in the office. But now the things have turned around. Rather BB has asked me to turn things around.
Take one!
‘When u are in a leadership position, never try hard to remain in the good books of team. If u work in a way where you always want people to like you, ur team will never be successful’
eyes widened, mouth hanging half open... I was listening. Mentally I made a note to strangle myself for not realizing this earlier.
Take two
‘People need to understand that u are working for the company and this is not personal. And if people take this personally, it is their problem not yours’
Take three
‘you have the entire support of the management. When you have any issues, at any time, just tell us. That’s all you have to do.’
Geared up. But still a bit skeptical. Lets see how things turn out.
Hope for the best because there is nothing worst that can happen.
Things change. And so have I, in many aspects of life. Yes, AGAIN!
I have become harsh with S especially when it comes to his parents and brother and his admission process. Perhaps because I was subdued with my team in the office. But now the things have turned around. Rather BB has asked me to turn things around.
Take one!
‘When u are in a leadership position, never try hard to remain in the good books of team. If u work in a way where you always want people to like you, ur team will never be successful’
eyes widened, mouth hanging half open... I was listening. Mentally I made a note to strangle myself for not realizing this earlier.
Take two
‘People need to understand that u are working for the company and this is not personal. And if people take this personally, it is their problem not yours’
Take three
‘you have the entire support of the management. When you have any issues, at any time, just tell us. That’s all you have to do.’
Geared up. But still a bit skeptical. Lets see how things turn out.
Hope for the best because there is nothing worst that can happen.
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