25th may 08
Today, I am writing for the purpose I started this blog for. So that I can write whatever I want to.. to talk to someone whom I do not know, so that I can talk my heart out..
Things started going a bit wrong on Friday when we received an email saying SS is leaving the organization. First I thought this was a joke. Everyone thought this was a joke. How could this happen. I had imagined that we will be giving a retirement party to SS in this organization.. I never thought in my whole life that he will resign.
It is so difficult to imagine the company without him. He was the person who recruited me. He was one the person to whom I had become first close with. He was the person who has made my survival in the company so easy and comfortable.
It is difficult to imagine not seeing him in the bus and show me the most interesting news in the news paper as soon as I entered in the bus.
It is difficult to imagine not having his jokes and ‘expert comments’ around us.
Kay was most upset. He has been a sort of mentor for this. Of course she will be…
Still, acceptance has to come. I mean, this is going to happen in the end, irrespective of us accepting it or not accepting it. So the sooner we do, it is better for everyone. This is afterall, part and parcel of doing the job.
Things went a bit bitter on Saturday evening when S called up ILs place where they are living right now. things as usual are not going good there. Nothing usual, same things again n again. And then it went to such a level that they now want to live independently. They are tired of their sons and daughters in law and want to tell them, that it is their house we are all living in and it is their (ILs) right to do whatever they want.
Well, as far as me and S are concerned, we never denied this. I was telling S since a long time that we should leave this place. No matter if we have to live in a rented house, but we should move out of here till the time our relations ( I mean my relations) with ILs are good enough that when later in life, we will have to meet, we can atleast share a laugh.
Finally, yesterday night, S agreed to this. He decided that now it was time for us to move out, to face the facts.
He called his father today. He told him the decision. And his father said, ‘how will you manage to move out within 30 days?’
His father didn’t even say, ‘don’t go…!’
I should be happy when I am getting to do what I wanted for so long. But with this attitude, tears sprang to my eyes. If I felt so bad, I cant imagine what S must have felt. He understood the change in my voice when he told this to me over phone in the afternoon. And then he said, ‘may be, he didn’t say what he wanted to say.. he might have been very upset when I told him this…’
How can I believe this after knowing them for so long? I admire S’s patience and the will to convince himself that his parents really love him and care what he is going through.
We are starting the house hunt today. There is no point waiting. The sooner the better…
This is going to be a new life. Some new challenges. Some new experiences. I hope I have enough strength to go thru this…
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
trying to be regular here now...
B is not in town and RI on leave too. So a bit of more work to do. things are very hectic. By the time i reach home, i am half dead and i have no energy to cook. now a days we are eating out 50% of the times. yeah. pathetic and not at all good.. i know.. but then there is no energy to stand in the hot kitchen and cook food. though only, we are two at the moment. i am surprised at myself when i think about the situation a couple of months ago when i was going home everyday and cooking food for 4 people. still with me and sushil, i dont even cook the entire meal. Anyways, i think i am just getting a bit lazy.
things at office are good. my work is being recognized.. only thing, it is being recognized as some one elses work. i thought i wouldnt care, and then finally it is my achievement. i thought that the satisfaction of taking some one along and grooming that person to become independent in the organization will be much more than getting the credit yourself. but i was wrong. i felt bad seeing my work being appreciated in front of me, but not as mine!
well, this was my plan in the first place for things to happen this way.. but it seems that the results are not going to do me much good in the end and it shouldnt have been this way at all!!
yes, i am being selfish.. and all i will suggest myself is to sleep over the issue. and tomorrow morning, i will have put all this behind and will move on ahead...
thinking deeply, i will say that i do not regret the decisions i have made. if i would have been given a second chance to change this, i wouldnt have change a thing...
things at home front are going good.. ofcourse they will go good.. until the time my ILs return! if S reads this, he will say i am being very mean and they dont 'create that much of a mess' in my life that i have to be so blunt about it.. in a way, yes, its perfectly true.. all that happens is that in the morning you get up, see that the kitchen you had gleamed spotlessly just last night, is in a mess again. milk is kept on boiling on a full flame. so is the chai brewing on the other burner. milk has been spilled a bit. then you open the fridge and see that there is already half a litre milk in there which had been boiled the previous day. but then, that has become stale and now cannot be used (in my minds eye, i see so many people across the world who dont even get to see milk, let alone drink it!). MIL is sitting in front of the preparation surface in the kitchen such that you dont have enough room to make even a cup of coffee...... you leave that thought, get going, get ready and leave the house finally leaving that steamy hot cup of coffee which otherwise you would not miss.
evening you return home.. the T.V is in full volume. ILs are shouting on top of the volume of the television set at one another.. each and every room of the house is now in a mess.. you bed has been strewn with washed clothes. so before you even sit down, you have fold them and pile them in one corner. you are wishing to have a hot cup of coffee.. to sit and relax for a while.. but then you see that it is already 7 o'clock in the evening and you have to cook a full meal. so you go to the kitchen.. first clean up, then cook the food, serve it, eat it, then clean up again. this eats up 2 hours of my time. and by 9 o'clock, i am in no mood to do anything else but to go to sleep....
weekends is no fun as well.. ILs dont like the fact that i invite any of my lot at home.. so i go out.. anyways i cant even watch T.V. on weekends, as the television set is running all the marathi channels and saas-bahu soaps.. switching the channels is strictly prohibited. so i atleast escape from cooking (mornings) on those two days. and then again, monday starts.. the same cycle does on and on and on...
yes, so S is correct.. i dont need to make a fuss out of it... they dont create any mess in my life!!
however, i might be a little biased in my belief for the way they have treated me and my family in the past. still when ILs are at home, i dont have to care about the couriers that arrive in the afternoon. i dont have to care about the timings at which my baai is going to come. i dont have to care about the LPG cylinder that comes to my home in the afternoon when I am bound to miss it. i dont have to worry about the house at all...
still i wonder sometimes.. what is better? having these many benifits along with the side effects or having nothing at all??
Debatable.. and i am in no mood to debate right now..
its 4.45 in the evening and my eyes have already grown heavy. A nice, fitful sleep, while going home.. that is what i am looking forward to now..
it was nice to write so many things after such a long time.. i should get more regular here, no?
things at office are good. my work is being recognized.. only thing, it is being recognized as some one elses work. i thought i wouldnt care, and then finally it is my achievement. i thought that the satisfaction of taking some one along and grooming that person to become independent in the organization will be much more than getting the credit yourself. but i was wrong. i felt bad seeing my work being appreciated in front of me, but not as mine!
well, this was my plan in the first place for things to happen this way.. but it seems that the results are not going to do me much good in the end and it shouldnt have been this way at all!!
yes, i am being selfish.. and all i will suggest myself is to sleep over the issue. and tomorrow morning, i will have put all this behind and will move on ahead...
thinking deeply, i will say that i do not regret the decisions i have made. if i would have been given a second chance to change this, i wouldnt have change a thing...
things at home front are going good.. ofcourse they will go good.. until the time my ILs return! if S reads this, he will say i am being very mean and they dont 'create that much of a mess' in my life that i have to be so blunt about it.. in a way, yes, its perfectly true.. all that happens is that in the morning you get up, see that the kitchen you had gleamed spotlessly just last night, is in a mess again. milk is kept on boiling on a full flame. so is the chai brewing on the other burner. milk has been spilled a bit. then you open the fridge and see that there is already half a litre milk in there which had been boiled the previous day. but then, that has become stale and now cannot be used (in my minds eye, i see so many people across the world who dont even get to see milk, let alone drink it!). MIL is sitting in front of the preparation surface in the kitchen such that you dont have enough room to make even a cup of coffee...... you leave that thought, get going, get ready and leave the house finally leaving that steamy hot cup of coffee which otherwise you would not miss.
evening you return home.. the T.V is in full volume. ILs are shouting on top of the volume of the television set at one another.. each and every room of the house is now in a mess.. you bed has been strewn with washed clothes. so before you even sit down, you have fold them and pile them in one corner. you are wishing to have a hot cup of coffee.. to sit and relax for a while.. but then you see that it is already 7 o'clock in the evening and you have to cook a full meal. so you go to the kitchen.. first clean up, then cook the food, serve it, eat it, then clean up again. this eats up 2 hours of my time. and by 9 o'clock, i am in no mood to do anything else but to go to sleep....
weekends is no fun as well.. ILs dont like the fact that i invite any of my lot at home.. so i go out.. anyways i cant even watch T.V. on weekends, as the television set is running all the marathi channels and saas-bahu soaps.. switching the channels is strictly prohibited. so i atleast escape from cooking (mornings) on those two days. and then again, monday starts.. the same cycle does on and on and on...
yes, so S is correct.. i dont need to make a fuss out of it... they dont create any mess in my life!!
however, i might be a little biased in my belief for the way they have treated me and my family in the past. still when ILs are at home, i dont have to care about the couriers that arrive in the afternoon. i dont have to care about the timings at which my baai is going to come. i dont have to care about the LPG cylinder that comes to my home in the afternoon when I am bound to miss it. i dont have to worry about the house at all...
still i wonder sometimes.. what is better? having these many benifits along with the side effects or having nothing at all??
Debatable.. and i am in no mood to debate right now..
its 4.45 in the evening and my eyes have already grown heavy. A nice, fitful sleep, while going home.. that is what i am looking forward to now..
it was nice to write so many things after such a long time.. i should get more regular here, no?
Friday, May 09, 2008
If you think you can...
If you think you are beaten, you are;
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you want to win but think you can't,
It's almost a clinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you're lost;
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in a state of mind.
Life's battles don't always go
to the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.
If you think you dare not, you don't;
If you want to win but think you can't,
It's almost a clinch you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you're lost;
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in a state of mind.
Life's battles don't always go
to the stronger and faster man,
But sooner or later the man who wins
Is the man who thinks he can.
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