People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace.
They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them.
The irony is that the only place they ever needed to search was within themselves.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Updates...
Saturday was a busy day. Early morning i got the news of the shift and the monster inside me held its happy head high and roared with pleasure. In the morning i had to attend a wedding and a ring ceremony in the evening. So it was very busy!
Sunday, S took leave!! *grin*< So happy day all the way!
Monday crept along, and 5.30 in the morning felt like the day shouldnt start! Dragging out of the bed (fortunately it not cold now) and getting ready seemed to take an eternity! Day in the office has started pretty well. Gaining some confidence on the things around. Need to build a lot more.
The reference to the person i hate the most in this world keeps popping up every day or two. I meet someone, somewhere and the topic is inadvertantly dragged in the conversation leaving me fuming at the end because of the memories that surface immediately. Such a conversation happened on saturday evening, where i was expecting the person to turn up, with half a desire saying i didnt want to see the face, and half saying i wanted to slap it! Anyways, the first half won, and i had a peaceful time.
Life seems empty. With nothing happening. Just the routine of getting up and coming to office and going home to again come to the office the next day. No fun, no outings, and i am fed up of cooking and cleaning (yeah, still havent got an aide!!) and i am fed up of listening to the bickering at home.
Yesterday we had gone to my SILs place. She has re-decorated the house and the idea appealed to me so much, that i decided it was about time to bring in some changes at the place where i live, to call it a home. Well, one change (which will help me embrace the fact that it is a home) will be happening this month end, and then remain all the materialistic things, which can be managed easily! So time to start thinking how to redecorate the house!!
Sunday, S took leave!! *grin*< So happy day all the way!
Monday crept along, and 5.30 in the morning felt like the day shouldnt start! Dragging out of the bed (fortunately it not cold now) and getting ready seemed to take an eternity! Day in the office has started pretty well. Gaining some confidence on the things around. Need to build a lot more.
The reference to the person i hate the most in this world keeps popping up every day or two. I meet someone, somewhere and the topic is inadvertantly dragged in the conversation leaving me fuming at the end because of the memories that surface immediately. Such a conversation happened on saturday evening, where i was expecting the person to turn up, with half a desire saying i didnt want to see the face, and half saying i wanted to slap it! Anyways, the first half won, and i had a peaceful time.
Life seems empty. With nothing happening. Just the routine of getting up and coming to office and going home to again come to the office the next day. No fun, no outings, and i am fed up of cooking and cleaning (yeah, still havent got an aide!!) and i am fed up of listening to the bickering at home.
Yesterday we had gone to my SILs place. She has re-decorated the house and the idea appealed to me so much, that i decided it was about time to bring in some changes at the place where i live, to call it a home. Well, one change (which will help me embrace the fact that it is a home) will be happening this month end, and then remain all the materialistic things, which can be managed easily! So time to start thinking how to redecorate the house!!
Friday, February 15, 2008
Harry Potter
I am reading the series third time already! And this time too, i find it so good and enchanting. Reading it, is already encouraging me to read it once more in future.
First time i read it, i missed many things, loose threads, minor clues. When i read it the second time, i could link everything up making connections in my head to the facts that were all closed in the seventh book.
Reading the third time, i still find it amazing because i can now concentrate on the language that has been used. the words, the phrases, the expression of feelings (which is amazing.. you can actually feel them while you are reading the book. The imagination of scenes, just as if it is happening in front of your eyes (and with the star cast already seen in the 5 movies, you can imagine them very well; though, movies were a big disappointment when compared to the books!)
Anyways, so i shall be completing the series 3rd time by sunday. Well not a feat, really! i could have done much better, constructive things during this time.. but reading HP just makes me drift from my worries, from the problems, from this world (which is getting more n more dreadful with pollution and weather change and so many murders and riots and rapes and horrible things)
So getting away from these worries and entering the magical world of JKR feels wonderful. Though there is nothing permanent in that, finally i have to realise which world I am living in and continue playing my part in it to make this world a better place!!
First time i read it, i missed many things, loose threads, minor clues. When i read it the second time, i could link everything up making connections in my head to the facts that were all closed in the seventh book.
Reading the third time, i still find it amazing because i can now concentrate on the language that has been used. the words, the phrases, the expression of feelings (which is amazing.. you can actually feel them while you are reading the book. The imagination of scenes, just as if it is happening in front of your eyes (and with the star cast already seen in the 5 movies, you can imagine them very well; though, movies were a big disappointment when compared to the books!)
Anyways, so i shall be completing the series 3rd time by sunday. Well not a feat, really! i could have done much better, constructive things during this time.. but reading HP just makes me drift from my worries, from the problems, from this world (which is getting more n more dreadful with pollution and weather change and so many murders and riots and rapes and horrible things)
So getting away from these worries and entering the magical world of JKR feels wonderful. Though there is nothing permanent in that, finally i have to realise which world I am living in and continue playing my part in it to make this world a better place!!
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Long Time...
a long day. Work pending for yesterday done.
the list of work to be done updated! (phew!!)
Requested meeting by B of me, him and R tomorrow to discuss abt me! (*grin*)
I knew that my mobile dangling on a rope around my neck is a safety issue and i had to sort it out permanently. unfortunately BB saw it today and raised the concerns! :(
I have to come out with a solution now.
Anyways, glad to have a lot of stuff done which i couldnt do yesterday and cauz of which the boiling point of my anger was as usual reached by the time i went home!
There is a growing concern about S which actually welled up inside me yesterday when mum saw him after a fortnight and got into a state of panic, eventually extending it to me too. Doc says he will have to be on medication for some more time (believe me, this some more time is in years) which i came to know today morn and felt as if a cold steel brick was sliding down my throat and settled with the thump in my stomach! He realised the panic in my voice and i hope has got serious about the issue too. Now i need to explain this to my ILs to please leave him alone for some years so that he can recover fully. I hope, I pray, i beg to God.. Oh please, hear me out this one time!!
the list of work to be done updated! (phew!!)
Requested meeting by B of me, him and R tomorrow to discuss abt me! (*grin*)
I knew that my mobile dangling on a rope around my neck is a safety issue and i had to sort it out permanently. unfortunately BB saw it today and raised the concerns! :(
I have to come out with a solution now.
Anyways, glad to have a lot of stuff done which i couldnt do yesterday and cauz of which the boiling point of my anger was as usual reached by the time i went home!
There is a growing concern about S which actually welled up inside me yesterday when mum saw him after a fortnight and got into a state of panic, eventually extending it to me too. Doc says he will have to be on medication for some more time (believe me, this some more time is in years) which i came to know today morn and felt as if a cold steel brick was sliding down my throat and settled with the thump in my stomach! He realised the panic in my voice and i hope has got serious about the issue too. Now i need to explain this to my ILs to please leave him alone for some years so that he can recover fully. I hope, I pray, i beg to God.. Oh please, hear me out this one time!!
A quote from Pravs World
---------------------------
Don't assume you've lots of time for all you want to do.
Though the future seems to stretch away into the blue...
Maybe you intend to scale those summits far away...,
But all that matters - is the hill you've got to climb today.
---------------------------
Just to say 'I am alive!!'
Loads to tell; but nothing to write...
---------------------------
Don't assume you've lots of time for all you want to do.
Though the future seems to stretch away into the blue...
Maybe you intend to scale those summits far away...,
But all that matters - is the hill you've got to climb today.
---------------------------
Just to say 'I am alive!!'
Loads to tell; but nothing to write...
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Another Story
Another story from which i would like to take inspiration from. This tells me that to be successful, you just need to know yourself the best and act accordingly... and the success is all yours...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei,"(Teacher in Japanese) the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.
Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue." Soon after the match
resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard.
Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament.
He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match.
Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost
mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo.
And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, and never think of pride or pain.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A 10-year-old boy decided to study judo despite the fact that he had lost his left arm in a devastating car accident. The boy began lessons with an old Japanese judo master. The boy was doing well, so he couldn't understand why, after three months of training the master had taught him only one move.
"Sensei,"(Teacher in Japanese) the boy finally said, "Shouldn't I be learning more moves?" This is the only move you know, but this is the only move you'll ever need to know," the sensei replied. Not quite understanding, but believing in his teacher, the boy kept training.
Several months later, the sensei took the boy to his first tournament.
Surprising himself, the boy easily won his first two matches. The third match proved to be more difficult, but after some time, his opponent became impatient and charged; the boy deftly used his one move to win the match. Still amazed by his success, the boy was now in the finals.
This time, his opponent was bigger, stronger, and more experienced. For a while, the boy appeared to be overmatched. Concerned that the boy might get hurt, the referee called a time-out. He was about to stop the match when the sensei intervened.
"No," the sensei insisted, "Let him continue." Soon after the match
resumed, his opponent made a critical mistake: he dropped his guard.
Instantly, the boy used his move to pin him. The boy had won the match and the tournament.
He was the champion. On the way home, the boy and sensei reviewed every move in each and every match.
Then the boy summoned the courage to ask what was really on his mind.
"Sensei, how did I win the tournament with only one move?"
"You won for two reasons," the sensei answered. "First, you've almost
mastered one of the most difficult throws in all of judo.
And second, the only known defense for that move is for your opponent to grab your left arm."
The boy's biggest weakness had become his biggest strength.
Each of us is special and important, so never think you have any weakness, and never think of pride or pain.
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
05/02/08
Got to handle the first RM supplier (in person) today. When I took them on a round of the organization, they were asking me many questions, to which I did not knew the answers. At that time I understood, there is still so much I do not know. They were asking questions and I was answering, ‘I’ll have to check that out’
I felt like stabbing myself in the heart and die right there at that moment! And on top of that, the lady comes and tells B that I did a good job. I was pink with embarrassment. Probably, that was precisely the reason XB sent me with them. Oh lord!
Now, I need to be prepared for the meeting that is supposed to happen the day after. I want to make sure that I don’t feel like killing myself then.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Home front - glad to say that I still haven’t got any aide to work and I am going home and doing everything. But the positive side says that I am losing a bit of weight in that process. *smile*
S’s blood reports did not come out to be entirely normal. And I am a hell lot worried about him. The doctors attribute it to the ‘tension’ and I do the same. Who do I attribute this to? That female who created the 'hell' of the situation or myself for landing in such a situation and not acting at a proper time?
Well, as the comparison was made between me and her (that I acted so wrong and she would have done the right thing if she was in my place), I will like to say that I am doing the right thing. I am not going to (and I never have) attribute the problems in my life to some one else (as opposed to what she did, all the time!!). What happens in my life is because of my decisions and my actions and no one elses. I will not blame anyone for what has happened in my life simply because I DO NOT give this power of creating ‘hell OR heaven’ in my life to anyone else on this earth except myself. And I chose to create heaven not hell of what has happened. And I will…
I hadn’t made any new years resolution, but here goes my first
My new years resolution says that
1. I will not do or say anything which might trouble S and make him tense.
2. I will try my best not to repeat my mistakes because of which S is unhappy
3. I will stop pestering him about ILs (this by far is the most difficult thing to do…… but hell, summers just around the corner!!!)
4. I will try and not be lazy and cook good food which he enjoys having the most (yeah.. the route to a guys heart is via his stomach!! No complaints there, cauz I already got the heart!! :D)
5. Well, enough resolutions for now!
Wish me luck guys!!!
I felt like stabbing myself in the heart and die right there at that moment! And on top of that, the lady comes and tells B that I did a good job. I was pink with embarrassment. Probably, that was precisely the reason XB sent me with them. Oh lord!
Now, I need to be prepared for the meeting that is supposed to happen the day after. I want to make sure that I don’t feel like killing myself then.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Home front - glad to say that I still haven’t got any aide to work and I am going home and doing everything. But the positive side says that I am losing a bit of weight in that process. *smile*
S’s blood reports did not come out to be entirely normal. And I am a hell lot worried about him. The doctors attribute it to the ‘tension’ and I do the same. Who do I attribute this to? That female who created the 'hell' of the situation or myself for landing in such a situation and not acting at a proper time?
Well, as the comparison was made between me and her (that I acted so wrong and she would have done the right thing if she was in my place), I will like to say that I am doing the right thing. I am not going to (and I never have) attribute the problems in my life to some one else (as opposed to what she did, all the time!!). What happens in my life is because of my decisions and my actions and no one elses. I will not blame anyone for what has happened in my life simply because I DO NOT give this power of creating ‘hell OR heaven’ in my life to anyone else on this earth except myself. And I chose to create heaven not hell of what has happened. And I will…
I hadn’t made any new years resolution, but here goes my first
My new years resolution says that
1. I will not do or say anything which might trouble S and make him tense.
2. I will try my best not to repeat my mistakes because of which S is unhappy
3. I will stop pestering him about ILs (this by far is the most difficult thing to do…… but hell, summers just around the corner!!!)
4. I will try and not be lazy and cook good food which he enjoys having the most (yeah.. the route to a guys heart is via his stomach!! No complaints there, cauz I already got the heart!! :D)
5. Well, enough resolutions for now!
Wish me luck guys!!!
Monday, February 04, 2008
Restricting Access
I am wondering whether to restrict access for the blog. the blogs very personal. and i feel very vulnarable expressing my feelings so openly. i feel very vulnarable cauz of the fact that anyone can read my thoughts. Dangerous.. quite dangerous..
What do i do?
What do i do?
Friday, February 01, 2008
A quote...
I met money one day. I said, "You are just a piece of paper."
Money smiled and said, "Of course I'm a piece of paper, but I haven't seen a dustbin yet, in my life"
Money smiled and said, "Of course I'm a piece of paper, but I haven't seen a dustbin yet, in my life"
01/02/2008
First day of the second month!! Oh, okay, relax.. I am not going to recount a list of what happened! That was said and done in the last post.
Yesterday, I had a stiff neck. When I wanted to turn and look sideways, I had to turn my entire body to do so.
When I went home, MIL noticed something wrong with my neck and offered some medicines.. (WOW!!! :)), well, not only offered, actually got them for me to the living room. That itself seemed to lessen my pain to half. And thanks to her, I can comfortably move my neck today with almost negligible pain!
Me n S went out yesterday just to roam around. That was after a long time. And as usual, we ended up eating bhel and wada paav at a road side tapari and literally screwing my diet regime! But its okay once in a time (that’s my most used retort in these circumstances!)
Today, I am short of work. Its not that I actually don’t have work to do, its just that I am not in the mood of doing it. Everyday, I am literally dragging myself out of bed early in the morning when its still pitch dark outside. Setting my foot in the cold bathroom is like a punishment for which I have no choice! Eventually, by the time I go through my usual routine and I am all geared up to leave, I am wide awake and S is still sleeping in that warm blanket. Oh I feel so jealous! But, its just today.. I tell myself, because tomorrow is weekend and I get to sleep as long as I want! :) that’s an added motivation to get going for work so that the day ends as quickly as it started and then, its Saturday!
I love weekends just because they give me the luxury of sleeping for a long time. Else, I am not really a fan of Saturdays n Sundays! S is off to work, and I have to sit at home (if I do) confined to my room, not having the luxury to watch t.v. at my will cauz its continuously running channels my ILs want to see (oh Summers! Arrive soon!!) and then, I have to cook even in the mornings and wash and clean because when I am off from office, MILs off from house work. That’s the rule (obviously NOT decided by me, unsaid, unwritten, just to be understood) never to be broken!
Anyways, so weekends here and my plans are full for tomorrow. S is off on this Sunday (*grin*) and I am planning not to let him out of my sight for even a single moment…
Yesterday, I had a stiff neck. When I wanted to turn and look sideways, I had to turn my entire body to do so.
When I went home, MIL noticed something wrong with my neck and offered some medicines.. (WOW!!! :)), well, not only offered, actually got them for me to the living room. That itself seemed to lessen my pain to half. And thanks to her, I can comfortably move my neck today with almost negligible pain!
Me n S went out yesterday just to roam around. That was after a long time. And as usual, we ended up eating bhel and wada paav at a road side tapari and literally screwing my diet regime! But its okay once in a time (that’s my most used retort in these circumstances!)
Today, I am short of work. Its not that I actually don’t have work to do, its just that I am not in the mood of doing it. Everyday, I am literally dragging myself out of bed early in the morning when its still pitch dark outside. Setting my foot in the cold bathroom is like a punishment for which I have no choice! Eventually, by the time I go through my usual routine and I am all geared up to leave, I am wide awake and S is still sleeping in that warm blanket. Oh I feel so jealous! But, its just today.. I tell myself, because tomorrow is weekend and I get to sleep as long as I want! :) that’s an added motivation to get going for work so that the day ends as quickly as it started and then, its Saturday!
I love weekends just because they give me the luxury of sleeping for a long time. Else, I am not really a fan of Saturdays n Sundays! S is off to work, and I have to sit at home (if I do) confined to my room, not having the luxury to watch t.v. at my will cauz its continuously running channels my ILs want to see (oh Summers! Arrive soon!!) and then, I have to cook even in the mornings and wash and clean because when I am off from office, MILs off from house work. That’s the rule (obviously NOT decided by me, unsaid, unwritten, just to be understood) never to be broken!
Anyways, so weekends here and my plans are full for tomorrow. S is off on this Sunday (*grin*) and I am planning not to let him out of my sight for even a single moment…
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)