Break.

A need a break. from everything. i just want to lie down and read books and eat ready made food. i need a person to take care of my laundry and of the house. i wish i could get a break. things are a whirlwind of activities and slowly this year is coming to a close. by far, in my life of 26 years, this has been the worst year of my life, in terms of our biggest loss. and now this year is coming to a close. i hope that next year brings us joys we yearn for. our kid. in our arms. whole, healthy, happy...
Hope. i have not lost that yet. and i will never lose it.
home front is busy. while i was away for 10 days, it wasnt easy for the husband managing everything. he didnt eat at home even for a single day. there was an inch of dust on every surface i lay my eyes on. loads of laundry.
humph. new project at home. i am teaching the husband to cook. he must atleast be able to take care of himself when i am away.
Office. a mess as well. loads of things to do and pending from my days of absence. the big b was annoyed with me. he was shouting on my boss, but i could understand his direction of annoyance. but, i am making upto it. slowly. and i am making my mark again in the company. i am gaining my lost confidence back. and people are placing their trust back in me. lot of new people around. lot of new energy and also, some tough spots. i struggle to keep patience with some people. i am literally telling myself, 'Patience dear, patience', when i am talking to that person.
Kay is good. her husband is better. he has lost his hearing ability. not entirely. but he is not able to distinguish words. all he hears is noise. doctors say that his sensory nerves are not responding. it was tough on me to see his helplessness. and the helplessness brings back memories of 27th july 2009. helplessness of everyone around me and ofcourse of myself.
people told me that these memories will fade. they have not. they have become stronger with each passing day. i will never get over the loss of my child. i dont want to get over it. Adi is in my thoughts every passing minute and will always be for the rest of my life.


Christmas is going to be in Goa this time. i hope to enjoy and take my mind off the stupid things i keep thinking about. New year is going to be here again. i am thinking of inviting some of the husbands friends. well, i just got the idea, so i will ask him when he comes home.
two days from tomorrow, we have a break out session. we - the STC. will update about that once i am back.