ambitions..

'what is ur aspiration?'
'i dont know'
'why?'
'its been different when i was in Cummins, different when in TFDC and when i am here it is different, and with the recent events in my life, i have stopped thinking about it'
'what is stopping you from thinking about it?'
'nothing is'
'then why are u not. you should. you cant stop living'
yes. i cant stop living. but how do i tell you that i am trying to take one day at a time. i told myself.
their expectations from me. the confidence they saw in me. the things i was unable to do. it was laid on the table. in short, i was sweetly told that i am doing nothing other than handling raw materials. ouch. it hurt. it hurt a lot.
'is that true?' i found asking my self. i took care of raw mat, pillar, coa, samples, other non-std requests from the dept, management systems.. but that was before i left. now its just raw mat and management systems. yeah. i guess it is true. and i knew it. i didnt need anyone else to come n tell me that. thats what hurt the most. and on top of that, it was the big b who said it. so the 'guilt?' doubled. i felt like i had betrayed his confidence in me.
ofcourse, these are thoughts after a nights sleep. yesterday, i was very angry. i even refused his offer to drop me home. stupid. i know. but, well.
then in the afternoon i talked to my long lost friend. and it felt good. i cried when i reached home. felt like smashing a glass or something. i didnt, ofcourse. but then, eventually, i calmed down.
i have to make a plan for myself now. to be discussed with the boss on monday. lets see how that goes.