Thats what i told myself when i was unable to concentrate on anything. it was better to just spit out what i was thinking. there are a lot of things that are happening, some good news, some major decisions we have taken. but that has to wait for now.
again the issue is at the house where i am staying. i want to desparately get out of there and find a place which i can call home! S is understanding but is not able to think how to get out of there without causing a rift. I just say one thing. it is better we move out now and maintain what ever relations are there or we stay there and move out once we have reached such a level where the relations have entirely gone down the drain (they are almost on their way!!)
somehow he is not yet comfortable with the idea. but sooner or later we have to come in terms with the reality. even if i have spend a lot of money for the sake of having peace when i return home, i will spend it. because peace and satisfaction form the most important things i now need in life.
apart from the home issues, the office somehow is not that attractive an affair any more. it is getting a monotony (which is there in my hands to break completely) and i feel drained right in the morning. i am not getting enough sleep nor am i feeling energetic thruout the day. of course i know the reasons. and i need to work on them rather than sitting here and rant about it. its just that i dont know where to start. well, when i am fuming, angry, disturbed, there is one thing that i always do - i clean things, be it cupboards, the house in general, i just sort out the mess. though that doesnt really help sorting out the mess in my life, i atleast have the satisfaction of having control over 'some' mess around me.
so this weekend is going to be a cleaning sangraam. i am planning to throw 50% of the things out of that house. and i know that there is going to be a tirade over it from my in-laws. but thats predicted.
so i will now get back next week with some things which are on a happier note. and i hope by that time i am feeling better as well.
ciao.
